Can I come back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Can I come back?
44
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am

I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 9:26pm
Omg 13 mths seems like a lifetime!!!
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 9:41pm

13 months.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 10:14pm

Hello All!

I agree that it can take a full year of anniversaries to get through. I haven't found this to be the case for me though, and I think there are contributing factors to this: working with a good therapist, having lots of friends to talk with who knew about the affair, and knew xaffair partner (including H), choosing to frame each anniversary date as a triumph as I rejoice(d) in the knowledge that i am NO WHERE near the pain I was at those points a year ago, and that I will be in an even better place one year from now, being totally ready & willing to confront the truth of my affair which required me to embrace the fact that he never really cared about me, nor I him, that he was not a friend to me, nor I him, and that I was finally ready to accept that however he remembered me was of NO consequence to me & my life. I just don't care and it just doesn't matter.

I read and post here ... a lot, and that has helped me tremendously. I haven't felt any longing for *him*, missing of him or the affair escape for months ... and I am not at a year yet.

I also think experiencing the separation from my REAL LIFE partner has snapped me back into real life like nothing else could have. Those who are still living without a Dday I think drift in and out of fog longer ... it keeps the fantasy alive longer because *you* stay stuck in your own pain of the ending, rather than having to face the harsh & brutal consequences on your actions on the ones you betrayed.

I am also a good personal BS detector now. I don't enable myself through self talk that justifies my poor choices.

While I am a nurturer and care-taker in all my relationships, I no longer pretend that any actions I performed to care for exap, when peeled apart, were motivated from any place beyond my need for selfish ego-stroking.

Just my opinion ...

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 11:33pm

My beloved TU said it all so well.

Those who are still living without a Dday I think drift in and out of fog longer ... it keeps the fantasy alive longer because *you* stay stuck in your own pain of the ending, rather than having to face the harsh & brutal consequences on your actions on the ones you betrayed.

This could be a thread of its own.

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