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Can I come back?
| Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am |
I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.
| Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:53am |
I am ashamed and embarrassed to be coming back to the board asking permission to be part of this community again.
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13 months.....
Hello All!
I agree that it can take a full year of anniversaries to get through. I haven't found this to be the case for me though, and I think there are contributing factors to this: working with a good therapist, having lots of friends to talk with who knew about the affair, and knew xaffair partner (including H), choosing to frame each anniversary date as a triumph as I rejoice(d) in the knowledge that i am NO WHERE near the pain I was at those points a year ago, and that I will be in an even better place one year from now, being totally ready & willing to confront the truth of my affair which required me to embrace the fact that he never really cared about me, nor I him, that he was not a friend to me, nor I him, and that I was finally ready to accept that however he remembered me was of NO consequence to me & my life. I just don't care and it just doesn't matter.
I read and post here ... a lot, and that has helped me tremendously. I haven't felt any longing for *him*, missing of him or the affair escape for months ... and I am not at a year yet.
I also think experiencing the separation from my REAL LIFE partner has snapped me back into real life like nothing else could have. Those who are still living without a Dday I think drift in and out of fog longer ... it keeps the fantasy alive longer because *you* stay stuck in your own pain of the ending, rather than having to face the harsh & brutal consequences on your actions on the ones you betrayed.
I am also a good personal BS detector now. I don't enable myself through self talk that justifies my poor choices.
While I am a nurturer and care-taker in all my relationships, I no longer pretend that any actions I performed to care for exap, when peeled apart, were motivated from any place beyond my need for selfish ego-stroking.
Just my opinion ...
TU.
My beloved TU said it all so well.
Those who are still living without a Dday I think drift in and out of fog longer ... it keeps the fantasy alive longer because *you* stay stuck in your own pain of the ending, rather than having to face the harsh & brutal consequences on your actions on the ones you betrayed.
This could be a thread of its own.
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