Can I take a poll? Curious....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Can I take a poll? Curious....
15
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 7:46pm

Hey ladies, since I am new and although have read A LOT of posts,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:58pm

Yeah, okay, I'll bite....


I'm on day 52 of NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:36pm

1. What day are you on of NC?
I do not count my days. I think it has been around six weeks. My A ended 2/14/10.

2. Did you have a Dday? No

3. Who initiated NC? I did

4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over?
I made the announcement that I was done after the discovery that xap was cultivating several other online relationships with women.

5. Is it easier to heal YOURSELF and work on M with a Dday? I'm not qualified to answer this.

6. How long was your A? Two years.

7. Do you have to see your xAP on a regular basis?
No, it was a very long-distance A, and I never expect to see him again.

8. Do you find yourself still checking for txt or an email?
Texts, no, i have blocked him from my phone and i have also blocked him from my work email. i have not closed the account that he used to send other email to yet. he has made some fishing attempts there that i have not replied to. i do check on him on some other sites from time to time and i have discussed this with my therapist. she is of the opinion that since the things i see on the websites are painful or disturbing to me, that i will stop looking at them when i no longer feel the need to do so. she agrees that full-on NC is the quickest way to heal, but that it may not be the perfect cut-and-dried solution to every person's problem. i continue to make progress in my ending, and i am grateful for it.

9. If there is only ONE piece of advice you would give regarding this journey...what would it be (aside from never starting one to begin with... :)
Love yourself and treat yourself with the kindness you would give to any other soul in pain. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Stop berating and denigrating yourself. You are here and that is something!

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:11am

1. What day are you on of NC? Day 40 or 41...I lost track over the weekend.

2. Did you have a Dday? Yes, we both did. My husband told his wife.

3. Who initiated NC? My husband.

4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over? All of the sudden. There were no goodbyes.

5. Is it easier to heal YOURSELF and work on M with a Dday? No, it is most definitely not. Let me explain. First, not only are you in pain from missing your xAP, you are also having to deal with the pain you caused your spouse. Second, its no secret that after an A is discovered there will be a lot of fighting. For me, when we fight it makes me want to reach out to xAP even more.

6. How long was your A? 11 1/2 months, almost a year.

7. Do you have to see your xAP on a regular basis? Fortunately, no.

8. Do you find yourself still checking for txt or an email? Sadly, yes. Even though he is pretty much completely blocked. I don't do it as much now, but the urge is still there.

9. If there is only ONE piece of advice you would give regarding this journey...what would it be (aside from never starting one to begin with... :) Take it one day at a time. Every day of NC is another day toward getting your life back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 2:07am

Oh, oh!! I get to talk about ME! whoo-hoo! ;)

1. What day are you on of NC?
what is six x 30, plus or minus a few days?

2. Did you have a Dday?
Thank God, no. And I am anti-confessing. I will take the A to my grave. I see no reason to destroy my husband so that I can unburden my guilt.

3. Who initiated NC?
I did. However, I just pulled the trigger before xAP did. I wasn't wanting to end the A.

4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over?
We discussed ending it for months.

5. Is it easier to heal YOURSELF and work on M with a Dday?
I would not know, but I DO know that it is very difficult to heal the M when one is still in the fog. One must give oneself time to heal before attempting that huge task.

6. How long was your A?
18 months

7. Do you have to see your xAP on a regular basis?
No, but I've run into him twice in six months. One time I flubbed it; one time I did great.

8. Do you find yourself still checking for txt or an email?
I cyberstalked for a very long time until I realized it was hurting the bejebus out of me. Then, I quit and felt sooooooo liberated.

9. If there is only ONE piece of advice you would give regarding this journey...what would it be (aside from never starting one to begin with... :)
Oh, so hard to pick just one, but --- Accepting personal responsibility and embracing accountability through serious and thoughtful introspection is the only way to heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 2:53am

1. What day are you on of NC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:11am

1. What day are you on of NC? 83... Tweenerville, here I come!


2. Did you have a Dday? Yes. 3- The first only a few weeks into my A, the 2nd a few weeks after that, and the 3rd several months later (the day after I ended it).


3. Who initiated NC? I did- though he had been pulling away for a couple weeks.


4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over? We both knew it was coming. I had tried several times to end it, but always went back. We had one final good bye and that was it.


5. Is it easier to heal YOURSELF and work on M with a Dday? Since I had a DDay, I do not know what it would be like to heal without one, but I do know it has enabled me to be completely honest with my H. There are no secrets, and we have reached a level of intimacy I have never known before. He loves me inspite of myself and that is the most amazing feeling in the world. I wish he didn't have to experience the pain associated with a DDay, but in the long run, we will be stronger.


6. How long was your A? About a year.


7. Do you have to see your xAP on a regular basis? I did work with xap, but I just took a new job and cut the last tie to him. I only saw him once since ending it, but I had to converse with him via email quite regularly and it was really hindering my healing.


8. Do you find yourself still checking for txt or an email? No. When I ended it, I made it clear that that was it. He is respectful enough not to reach out. I am quite certain that he never will.


9. If there is only ONE piece of advice you would give regarding this journey...what would it be? Time really does heal all wounds, so once you decide that it's time to get on with life, that is just what you do.


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:28am

1. What day are you on of NC? 4 months (LC at work)


2. Did you have a Dday? No


3. Who initiated NC? Me


4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over? I ended the A 12/6/09 with the intent of remaining friends at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 9:51am
1. NC: 95 days
2. D-Day: No, thank God!
3. Who initiated NC: First one him, then me, then me again, then me again, he got tired of my indecision, then finally him for good!
4. NC was not sudden, took a while to get there.
5. No D-Day.
6. A lasted 1 year.
7. I don't have to see him because I quit my job half way through the A when I ended it the 2nd time.
8. Don't really check my phone or email anymore because of him. I know he won't contact me.
9. Best advice: Try to learn from this experience. Love yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:40pm
1. NC: 98 days
2. D-Day: Gratefully, NO
BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 1:12pm

Hi, Healing


What day are you on of NC? (I am not counting the days but the last time I seen or spoke to my exap was on January 10,2010) I have however started a new affair and it been three days nc


2. Did you have a Dday? no


3. Who initiated NC? (I did on both)


4. Was NC all of a sudden with no explanation or did one of you say it is over?I

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