Can "Limited Contact" work?
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Can "Limited Contact" work?
| Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:40pm |
Help. Five days ago the OW and I agreed that the A was over. We had a torrid 5 mo. affair and loved every minute together. She is getting divorced, I am rebuilding a previously good marriage of 21 years. Because we live in a small town and our social circles cross over, I have seen her three times since then. We ended up being alone on Sat., and the feelings and emotions were at a fever pitch. I am proud to say that we were able to control ourselves and not get physical. We exchanged letters which we needed to help with the closure process, and I went home to my wife. My question is this, is it possible to have limited contact i.e. a phone call every 2-3 weeks, a birthday card, etc. and not reinstitute the A? Besides being lovers, we became best friends. I want to be there for her if she needs someone while she goes through her divorce, and there will be times when I might want to hear her opinions when I am struggling with my life. Have any of you been successful with limited contact (LC) or is NC the only way to go?

I KNOW how difficult it is (XMM was my lover...the most incredible lover of my life, AND became my best friend as well), but I'm telling you...let her GO! Please hear me...if you REALLY care about her you'll let her GO.
Keep posting.
Not to say that SOMEDAY you won't be able to get to that point, but unless you give her time to heal, you are just prolonging the inevitable and holding her back from moving on with her life. Please don't do that to her.
I know that I was extremely hurt for months after xMM stopped talking to me. I lost my best friend. He was my biggest supporter. I turned to him for everything. Looking at it now though, the A would have kept starting over and over had we kept talking. If you want to save your marriage, you must devote everything you have to your wife. Sure, it will not be easy to forget about OW, but in time it does get easier.
My xMM and I are deeply in love with eachother.
Listen to what these women are telling you, THERE TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, if you want to rebuild your M, the AP has to 100 percent GO, if your wife finds out your still in contact with the OW you can kiss your marriage goodbye, to her it will be like a second betryal.
You CAN NOT HAVE BOTH YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TO.
Free
You are smart to be ending this after only 5 months. I know what you mean about feeling lonely right now, but you're not alone. I have felt exactly as you feel, and many others of us have also. Feeling like your affair partner is your best friend is not unique, and is for many of us the hardest thing to get over losing. But you are lucky that you have a wife who appears ready to stand by you despite the A, and she should be your best friend!!! Please do think hard about how she would feel about the Limited Contact idea.
I promise you, if you concentrate on your marriage and fight the temptation to remain connected to this person, you will get over this and be a much happier man. Just give it some time.
Edited 9/14/2004 8:37 am ET ET by lostnhim