Let's consider, for you, that today is a 24 hour period and not "Wednesday". Will that work? See? you can't get out of it THAT easily!!
You're not ready to end your A. You are sooooo in it. You still think that if this 'honorable' man leaves W, you'll be there to swoop in and grab that prize. Oh, lucky Day! (even through the limited medium of the internet, I'm sure you can all hear the gagging sound I'm making right now.) But, let's just go with YOUR mindset right now.... he's a liar, user, whimp, control freak, paranoid berater and once you have control over him 24/7, you'll be able to tweak that little Fixer Upper until he's Mr. Perfect. MMMM, sounds dreamy. Like my Daddy used to say, "you can polish that turd all you want, but at the end of the day.... it's still a turd."
And who are YOU in all of this? Oh, think on that for a bit. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. If that comment stings, ask yourself why? Is it because the company you keep sucks the big one? Yep.
Quit it with your bullsh*t and get on board. And by that I mean, THIS board. It's an ENDING board. so.....END IT.
Listen to me--your AP is not special and there is NO honor in the way he is Mr. Paranoid. My xAP did and said the same things. He would freak out about his W finding anything out and tell me constantly how miserable the last 20 years of marriage had been. We were old college sweethearts and he told me story after story about how she was soooo controlling, and frigid and unemotional and distant, and blah blah blah. And in his eyes I was his lost love and he swore to me that NO MATTER WHAT he would NEVER hurt me--I would be his princess. I could "fall back in his steady arms" and that after our divorces our lives would be perfect.......
ALL garbage.
Coz when the planned d-day came that he finally got up the courage to leave her a**, guess what he did? He had her call me and say "go away" and then he proceeded to kick me to the curb and say a miracle had occurred and he saw the face of Jesus that told him to stay with his W.
Really?
He's a wimp. Your AP is a wimp. Stop romanticizing it all. Affairs are not real. Just read the statistics. Go to the bookstore.
Soon you won't recognize yourself. You will wither away. If this man really loves you--he would have divorced his wife long ago. There is NO honor in his paranoia.
Please stop deluding yourself. Don't drag it out any longer than necessary. I didn't listen to the wise women on this board a full year ago because I thought my story was more special. I would indeed win the prize. Nope. I wasted another year of my life. And added more misery.
Alice, you didn't address this one to me but I'm going to add my 4 cents. (twice as much as needed!)
I'm not a huge fan of block and walk when ending for the first(ish) time for reals. I think you can just send a very clear, short email saying nothing more than, "This is bad for both of us and I'm ending it. I will not contact you again and I would appreciate it if you did not attempt to contact me again; if you do, I will not respond." THEN you block and walk. Delete all avenues of possible contact (email accounts, cell phone... everything). Read the Healing Library religiously. Memorize the rules of NC. Put a plan in place for yourself to stay on the right track, even when you don't feel like it. You have all the information you need to be successful in ending this A, if only you do the work and are committed.
Wishing you the best. Dee.
PS - from this point forward, it doesn't matter what kind of dad he is... he's not the father of YOUR children and he and his family are not YOUR problem. Be thankful for that and let it go. xo
You need to stop, right now, thinking and wondering about what is and what isn't 'honorable' when it comes to xAP. He will deal with this, just as you will. You need to begin, RIGHT NOW, focusing on how you are going to deal with this - ending this madness and begin healing yourself and working on being the dignified and honorable person you want to be.
Most here will say to just begin NC yourself, in your own mind, as of now. Block everything (numbers, emails, facebook etc etc) and just walk. Begin working hard, digging deep and finding that inner strength you never believed you had. But for me, personally, I had to send a final email. It provided a 'sense' of finishing for me, as I was struggling with breaking NC for 3 weeks after dday with my H. And I didn't want to keep living like that. I wanted to make that decision myself, so that I could look back knowing that I did it FOR ME, that it was MY decision. The email simply said: "I am writing you this email to let you know that I have decided that there can be no contact whatsoever between us in the future at all, ever. This is the only way that we can both move on with our lives. My marriage, children and the regaining of my integrity are the most important things to me and I don’t want to do anything from here on in to jeopordise those things". And that's it. Wrote his name at the start, my name at the end. Nothing else. And my H read it and was there when I sent it. I believe that something like this is beneficial, especially when your xAP is the sort of person that may continue contacting you and you may be the sort of person that may really struggle with not replying back.
I'm sure others here will have some great advice also. Be strong. You CAN DO THIS!! xx
He is honouring his children, not you... let his children have their father to themselves... they need his time, you don't. How would you feel on the other end. Say your H is spending his time off with OW and not that time with your kids... how would you feel and how would your kids feel is daddy is not there to read to them tuck them in etc...? The kids are the most important in these situations.
As for NC do what you need to do, say what you need to say and walk away blocking ALL avenues (email, phone, myspace, facebook etc)
Pages
First, you should never know about your x therapist's cheating H. They are professionals and
Let's consider, for you, that today is a 24 hour period and not "Wednesday". Will that work? See? you can't get out of it THAT easily!!
You're not ready to end your A. You are sooooo in it. You still think that if this 'honorable' man leaves W, you'll be there to swoop in and grab that prize. Oh, lucky Day! (even through the limited medium of the internet, I'm sure you can all hear the gagging sound I'm making right now.) But, let's just go with YOUR mindset right now.... he's a liar, user, whimp, control freak, paranoid berater and once you have control over him 24/7, you'll be able to tweak that little Fixer Upper until he's Mr. Perfect. MMMM, sounds dreamy. Like my Daddy used to say, "you can polish that turd all you want, but at the end of the day.... it's still a turd."
And who are YOU in all of this? Oh, think on that for a bit. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. If that comment stings, ask yourself why? Is it because the company you keep sucks the big one? Yep.
Quit it with your bullsh*t and get on board. And by that I mean, THIS board. It's an ENDING board. so.....END IT.
Welcome to the next 24 hours of your life.
Dee.
Alice,
Listen to me--your AP is not special and there is NO honor in the way he is Mr. Paranoid. My xAP did and said the same things. He would freak out about his W finding anything out and tell me constantly how miserable the last 20 years of marriage had been. We were old college sweethearts and he told me story after story about how she was soooo controlling, and frigid and unemotional and distant, and blah blah blah. And in his eyes I was his lost love and he swore to me that NO MATTER WHAT he would NEVER hurt me--I would be his princess. I could "fall back in his steady arms" and that after our divorces our lives would be perfect.......
ALL garbage.
Coz when the planned d-day came that he finally got up the courage to leave her a**, guess what he did? He had her call me and say "go away" and then he proceeded to kick me to the curb and say a miracle had occurred and he saw the face of Jesus that told him to stay with his W.
Really?
He's a wimp. Your AP is a wimp. Stop romanticizing it all. Affairs are not real. Just read the statistics. Go to the bookstore.
Soon you won't recognize yourself. You will wither away. If this man really loves you--he would have divorced his wife long ago. There is NO honor in his paranoia.
Please stop deluding yourself. Don't drag it out any longer than necessary. I didn't listen to the wise women on this board a full year ago because I thought my story was more special. I would indeed win the prize. Nope. I wasted another year of my life. And added more misery.
LL
Alice~
<>
The only thing natural about not wanting to be exposed or hurt anyone
~Iddy~
Alice,
you didn't address this one to me but I'm going to add my 4 cents. (twice as much as needed!)
I'm not a huge fan of block and walk when ending for the first(ish) time for reals. I think you can just send a very clear, short email saying nothing more than, "This is bad for both of us and I'm ending it. I will not contact you again and I would appreciate it if you did not attempt to contact me again; if you do, I will not respond." THEN you block and walk. Delete all avenues of possible contact (email accounts, cell phone... everything). Read the Healing Library religiously. Memorize the rules of NC. Put a plan in place for yourself to stay on the right track, even when you don't feel like it. You have all the information you need to be successful in ending this A, if only you do the work and are committed.
Wishing you the best.
Dee.
PS - from this point forward, it doesn't matter what kind of dad he is... he's not the father of YOUR children and he and his family are not YOUR problem. Be thankful for that and let it go.
xo
alice-
You need to stop, right now, thinking and wondering about what is and what isn't 'honorable' when it comes to xAP. He will deal with this, just as you will. You need to begin, RIGHT NOW, focusing on how you are going to deal with this - ending this madness and begin healing yourself and working on being the dignified and honorable person you want to be.
Most here will say to just begin NC yourself, in your own mind, as of now. Block everything (numbers, emails, facebook etc etc) and just walk. Begin working hard, digging deep and finding that inner strength you never believed you had. But for me, personally, I had to send a final email. It provided a 'sense' of finishing for me, as I was struggling with breaking NC for 3 weeks after dday with my H. And I didn't want to keep living like that. I wanted to make that decision myself, so that I could look back knowing that I did it FOR ME, that it was MY decision. The email simply said:
"I am writing you this email to let you know that I have decided that there can be no contact whatsoever between us in the future at all, ever. This is the only way that we can both move on with our lives. My marriage, children and the regaining of my integrity are the most important things to me and I don’t want to do anything from here on in to jeopordise those things". And that's it. Wrote his name at the start, my name at the end. Nothing else. And my H read it and was there when I sent it. I believe that something like this is beneficial, especially when your xAP is the sort of person that may continue contacting you and you may be the sort of person that may really struggle with not replying back.
I'm sure others here will have some great advice also. Be strong. You CAN DO THIS!! xx
There is no honor in cheating.
He is honouring his children, not you... let his children have their father to themselves... they need his time, you don't. How would you feel on the other end. Say your H is spending his time off with OW and not that time with your kids... how would you feel and how would your kids feel is daddy is not there to read to them tuck them in etc...? The kids are the most important in these situations.
As for NC do what you need to do, say what you need to say and walk away blocking ALL avenues (email, phone, myspace, facebook etc)
Pages