Since you're finding yourself on this board, some part of you knows that you need to end this. You have to start NC your own way, of course there are proven methods, but you are going to do what you think is best for your situation. To send an email or not, either way once you do it, you have to be ready to stand behind those words. Just like malepov pointed out in a post the other day, it doesn't matter what he wants, it's about YOU. You have made it about him for way to long.
I went back and forth for months trying to end my A, and I finally had enough. Have you read "enough is enough" in the healing garden? It's what helps me remind myself why ending it was the right choice. I had become a shell of a person. All of my energy was being poured into a man that wasn't mine. And in the process, I vacated my life. I neglected my H. I miss xAP everyday, but I do not miss the lows I experienced inside the A- the always feeling second, the secrecy, the not getting what I needed from him, nibbling up the crumbs that he tossed my way. I don't think xAP is a bad guy. I don't blame xAP for what happened because I played an equal role. We are two people who made some bad choices and now it's time to move on.
Today marks 14 days NC for me. There have been ups and downs the past two weeks, but I tell you, the downs are so much easier to handle on this side of the A. And I feel free and hopeful for the first time in a long time. I am not tied to my phone. I don't have a huge secret that I am hiding from my H. I can look myself in the mirror and see me - not a liar.
I know it's hard to imagine not talking to him ever again, but that's what you have to do. It's the only way to recover. Your story is not unique. We've all felt like you do. You have to decide that enough is enough and move on.
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Since you're finding yourself on this board, some part of you knows that you need to end this. You have to start NC your own way, of course there are proven methods, but you are going to do what you think is best for your situation. To send an email or not, either way once you do it, you have to be ready to stand behind those words. Just like malepov pointed out in a post the other day, it doesn't matter what he wants, it's about YOU. You have made it about him for way to long.
Good luck and I wish you all the best.
Alice-
I went back and forth for months trying to end my A, and I finally had enough. Have you read "enough is enough" in the healing garden? It's what helps me remind myself why ending it was the right choice. I had become a shell of a person. All of my energy was being poured into a man that wasn't mine. And in the process, I vacated my life. I neglected my H. I miss xAP everyday, but I do not miss the lows I experienced inside the A- the always feeling second, the secrecy, the not getting what I needed from him, nibbling up the crumbs that he tossed my way. I don't think xAP is a bad guy. I don't blame xAP for what happened because I played an equal role. We are two people who made some bad choices and now it's time to move on.
Today marks 14 days NC for me. There have been ups and downs the past two weeks, but I tell you, the downs are so much easier to handle on this side of the A. And I feel free and hopeful for the first time in a long time. I am not tied to my phone. I don't have a huge secret that I am hiding from my H. I can look myself in the mirror and see me - not a liar.
I know it's hard to imagine not talking to him ever again, but that's what you have to do. It's the only way to recover. Your story is not unique. We've all felt like you do. You have to decide that enough is enough and move on.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
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