Can you love 2 men at once?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Can you love 2 men at once?
4
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:50pm
I feel horrible, I ended my A 5 months ago and I still am emotional over it. I am mostly confused with my feelings. I am glad I ended it because I love my husband but I keep thinking about the OM. I miss him terribly. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I just don't know how to get over it. Along with feeling sad about ending my relationship with the OM I am feeling guilt about betraying my husband. I could never leave my husband for this OM because he wouldnt be a good role model for my children and is not very stable in his life. But for some reason I cant stop thinking of him. Any ideas how I can get over this and move on. I was feeling a bit better and optomistic about my life and family then last night I had a dream about the OM and now I'm all torn up again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 5:39pm

Wow, five months....I am impressed with how far you have come. Congratulations as you have survived.

It may be a Norma Burmbach cliche but it is true that - life is a bowl of cherries and that is why we all can all relate to the pits. I do feel we can love more than one person and love is infinate (but I am not a 60's hippy either)yet we are conditioned into a one love situation for the betterment of society (kinda like innoculation shots)

Has some good come from the ending of your A? Do you have any joys from your daily life that bring you satisfaction?

Good luck Sarieinrain and yes, I do believe that I love more than one person at a time - but I also have decided that I do not want to be at two places at once anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 7:35pm

SR

I read your post to believe, I don't believe you are in love with the XOM as much as you are hooked on the high from the excitment of having the secret relationship and the way it made you fell about "YOURSELF". There are real bio-chemical addictions that can take place as well once you ingage in a affair.

Ending a affair is like a junkie ending the use of drugs you can expect to go through periods of withdrawl that will hurt and mess with your head, but they will pass if you refuse to cave and give any ground. Once you are a drug addict you need to stay away from that drug for the rest of your life or you risk a relapse.

Staying away means TOTAL NO CONTACT for any reason.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 4:44pm
Thank you for your response. It is soooo true, I am probably not in love with my XOM. I did love the feeling I got when I was with him because it was an escape from the trials of real life. I guess some times we all just need a reality check. You gave me one and I'm having a better day today. I appreciate your input. S
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:44pm
Yes, you can love two men at once. But you can't be with both of them. You can't be two people. Just keep giving yourself time, and it will pass eventually. You will get over this. Be glad it didn't destroy your marriage.