Can you really end it before your ready?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Can you really end it before your ready?
16
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 8:55pm
I want to be ready, I really do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 9:50pm

Sounds like you pretty much know it's coming to an end. I can tell you from personal experience that it was much easier to end the affair when I did it than the first

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 11:35pm

^ ^ ^


what she said, ditto !!


ending it before he does gives you the control. I honestly think when "we" end it, we know what we want

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 2:44am

Every A eventually

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 6:47am
ajay, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that same situation. (I think we've posted on each other's threads in MAS.) Six months into the A and the intensity was burning out, communication becoming less frequent...it seemed the more he was pulling away, the more I was wanting and trying to get the initial intensity back. Then I realized, like I think you are doing, that perhaps now was the best time to get out before I ended up making a fool of myself or duping myself into believing I had "real" feelings for him. So, yesterday I made my official "I'm Done" post here at EAS. There's a bunch of great women here who are willing to listen, advise and offer a shoulder to cry on when you are ready. Only you can make that decision. Good luck. ((hugs))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 8:16am

in a word, No.

the grief following the loss of an affair is real and it is intense. unless you have truly committed to its ending, you will get sucked back in when the waves of emotion come crashing in.
you aren't done till you're done. you decide.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 8:34am
I agree with Lillie. You have to be ready to be done because only when you've reached the "enough is enough" point will you be strong enough to remain NC and truly be done. I ended with with xAP more times than I can count, but I always kept the "what if" in the back of my mind. I always kept the door open and always got sucked back in as soon as he or I made contact even once. Once you reach the end of your rope, you will be ready without any doubts to end it. That is what it took for me. I am 33 days NC today and I am not looking back. There are no doors open to the past- there's not even a crack in the window. It's done. I know it. He knows it. Our spouses know it. DONE.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 9:40am

<>> Yes you can end it...I think maybe you should start to look into yourself as to why you feel like you cant just end it.

This board is for people who are committed to ending the A and having the support for those hard days when we all feel " I just cant do it".

A few has mentioned about control; and yes they are right about that but getting out of an A isnt about control. Its about healing and knowing with your heart of hearts this isnt what you want,its about taking that 1st step and the one after that and so on,its about walking the road to your best self.

You have to be ready to recommit to yourself. My A ended, not by choice which I think contributed to my pain; I was all of sudden taken from my fanatsy and forced to deal with the current situation.

<<>>
I wasnt ready in any way shape or form. That choice was made for me and I supported that choice by coming to EAS and recommitting to myself.

HTH
DM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 10:13am

I agree with the others that you have to be ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 11:05am

CSN-

So well put: I reached a point where the "feel bads" outnumbered the "feel goods" ten fold.

BTDT :) And moving on.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 11:09am

Good morning ajaycee,


I read your post and felt the need to respond.

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