Can't cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Can't cope
6
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:34pm
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Edited 10/1/2004 6:27 pm ET ET by sally289
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: sally289
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:17pm
Sally

Hang in there time and no contact with a few buckets of tears will get you through this.

Are you married or single, kids ??

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:33am
You need to ask yourself "what is so special?" about this man. He has already demonstrated that he has a character issue (cheating, lying). If he cheats on his wife, he would cheat on you too. Also, a lot of women who date married men don't realize, that often the married man has other girlfriends, as well as being married. A lot of times, if you scratch the surface, you can find out all kinds of things. Some married men "use" single women for their emotional needs when they can't get their needs met by their wife; but once they are able to work things out with their wife, they go back to her. They have a "history" with the wife. They also have financial and legal ties with the wife, so she has a HUGE advantage in the "love triangle". She is the one holding all the cards - not the mistress. Just an FYI. Perhaps you could talk to a counselor about your feelings of loss. Sorry to hear about all this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:38am
I know how you feel. How can someone who tells you he wants to be with you, loves you, says he cherishes the times you spend together just kind of disappear? Change his thoughts on everythign he says to you - nothing that happened between you actually mattered to him? Been there, done that. Now you just feel extremely hurt. How could someone you trusted do that to you and not seem to care how bad they hurt you? The only comforting words that I can offer is that it does get a little easier with time. ALOT of time. (8 months here and it still hurts!) After awhile the pain starts to subdue but the memories are still there. They get a little foggier though.

Hang in there. Try to keep busy. It does get a little easier. Most importantly, NC! Talking to him will just bring more pain on for you. He may say things that hurt you and you do not need that. Keep posting and reading here. It brought me alot of comfort knowing that others know how I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 9:39pm
Sally - girl I'm RIGHT there with ya! My A was NEVER gonna go anywhere I knew that from the get go - I guess I was just naive thinking once he spent time with me and we really connected which I *thought* we had... he'd WANT to be with me! Well... now he's back with his wife who he says he loves and WANTS to be with and it's better this way for both of us and it "has" to be this way! But... I'm not doing good at all! I mean I haven't seen him for 4 months - things have been over for about 5 and yet I STILL miss him daily - and I KEEP waiting for it to get easier and for the day where he DOESN'T cross my mind! Today I made the mistake I've made about 3 times since he made his "decision" I contacted him - UGH that sets me back like a good month each time I do that! If I could LEARN to leave well enough alone maybe I'd be further along!? Who knows... all I know is I KEEP wanting him and I don't want to! :(

I can't offer any advice or positive thoughts - but I CAN tell you I KNOW!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: sally289
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:22pm
I am sorry you are going thru this. I don't understand how men can do this and their wives want them back. Seems like all the trust/love would eventually end. Take good care of yourself - you deserve more than this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: sally289
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 2:07pm
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Edited 10/1/2004 6:27 pm ET ET by sally289