Can't figure out some ppl....
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Can't figure out some ppl....
| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 4:30pm |
Do any of you get the feeling that the X-OM or MM is trying to get to talk to you or contact only to put you down? I get a email from him and I respond to it. I hear nothing from him after that. Maybe it feels good to ignore me, since that gives him the upper hand. I no longer trust him to contact me without a inner motive for it. I have a feeling that he is doing all this for some sick control game that I want no part of. Well, I should have expected all this as this was a man who never had very kind words for me. It was always about him never about me. It doesn't really surprise me but I can't but wonder how some ppl's mind operate. Interresting....

I think you are EXACTLY right. For many men (and women) is IS about the control. It's about keeping the power in a relationship and using it to control the other person. I've heard it said that rape is not about sex, it's about control. I think for some men, not all, that's also a main reason they have an affair. They have a need to feed their egos by controlling the situation and person. Sex and mind games accomplish that pretty damn well. I'm not saying every man is like that, but I do think it is one of the types who gets involved in affair.
Just a thought!
Lily
Just further proves this is a toxic person that you don't want in your life.
Good luck!!
discussion title:
Something I Learned Today
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message #:
14024.1
from:
blueeyedblondegirl
date:
Sep-9 10:49 pm
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My xMM is a narcissist. I don't know how many of your MMs are/were too, but I thought I'd pass on this piece of wisdom I received today from my therapist. I was discussing how it seemed like ever time I backed off a bit from xMM or began to institute NC, he would come flying back into my life full force. Now, during our A xMM never really withdrew from me, the longest time was for a week when he was on vacation w/his W & sometimes he would decrease the amount of time we'd talk/email in a given day, but I know I've read many posts here where MMs go for weeks or months w/o calling/emailing or whatever. Well, according to my therapist, getting dumped/being avoided by their MW or OW is highly painful for the narcissistic MM. Afterall, he is driven by the thrill/validation/ego boost that having sex w/a woman (usually many different women) while still married provides. He can often not comprehend the idea that the woman he so successfully wooed/bedded, etc. would ever want to leave him. He needs it to be his choice. Some MW/OW may see this as MM coming to his senses and realizing how much he's missed them, but in reality it often is simply MM needing to reestablish his control.
I think this explains a lot. So many posts I read are about how MMs come back into OW/MW's lives after the OW/MW have instituted NC or have tried to limit contact. And I think this helps explain why it often appears so "easy" for some MMs to simply end it while the OW/MW is left sad/confused/emotionally drained/hurt.
Well, I just thought I'd pass this on - I thought it was interesting & at least applied to my situation!
I wouldn't go as far as calling XOM as narcissist. Its plain dysfunctional behavior, narcisissm is totally something else. I think the word had been used way too many times on this board and I don't believe it applies to my case. Thanks for your post.