Can't get over guilt, can't get over him

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Can't get over guilt, can't get over him
2
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:17pm
About 3 years ago my husband and I were going through some hard times and I turned to a married friend who I worked with who was also going through some hard times with his wife. We "saw each other" (e.g. met in cheap hotels a few times) for about 6 months. He called me constantly and we'd talk for hours. In the office we were cordial but nothing more. I think in our hearts we both knew we were just there to support each other through a rough time, but it would/could never be long term and we enjoyed it for what it was.

After 6 months he suddenly stopped calling, stopped talking to me, stopped responding to my calls. He started treating me with hostility in the office, stealing business from me, talking behind my back. I tried to talk to him, ask what happened, but he shut me out saying things like, "I don't know what you're talking about, nothing's wrong, we're still friends." But at business functions he would greet everyone in the room, and look through me as though I was invisible.

It's now 3 years later. I've since changed jobs to get away from him, although we're still in the same industry and I run into him now and then. Things with my husband are great.

But despite a year of therapy and marriage counseling, I still have tremendous guilt about the affair (which my husband does not know about), and I still long to talk to the other guy. I miss my conversations with him, I miss his friendship, and he offered no explanation as to why he pushed me away so suddenly and so nastily.

How do I get over it and move on? And why am I still so interested in friendship with someone who treated me so badly? Any words of wisdom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:27pm
Smitty,

I wish I had advice for you. But I have the same problem. I think with time, and remembering how bad these guys have made us feel at times and not to forget we deserve better , will help. It is so crazy that we cannot get over them right away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 3:59pm

Smitty, my affair has been over for more than two years. I still think of GB from time to time. He and I were friends. I was his confidante. He has a therapist now. I still feel guilt occasionallly. When I do, I go to Sean with it. He and I still discuss the affair and how it has affected our relationship.


Don't feel guilty about feeling guilty. Does that make sense? How to get over it? Only time will do that. Time and you finding what was missing in you or your life that caused you to start with him in the first place.

~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />