Can't keep NC - Help!
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| Wed, 02-25-2004 - 8:58am |
I want to try and make things work with my husband, but I can't stop thinking about the other guy. Problem is, I'm not trying to get things back that we once had in our marriage, I'm trying to create things we've never had. We've been married for 9 years, and I've never felt the kind of attraction and passion for him that I now feel for my A. Besides incredible sex, we really connect is so many other ways. It's like I've opened Pandora's box and, now that I know how strong my feelings can be, it's so hard to go back to what I had. And the other guy isn't married, and really wants me to leave my husband and be with him.
My heart wants to leave, my head knows it probably wouldn't work out and I would regret not trying to work it out with H. But, now I can't even have sex with H because it doesn't even come close to what I had in my A, and I don't think it ever will. All I think about is the other guy, and how much I want to be with him. I've tried to initiate NC several times, and keep breaking it because I desperately want to talk to him.
I don't know how to get through this. I can't accept that I will never see him again, and move on with my marriage. When I tell my husband that I love him, it feels like I'm lying, although I'm sure those feelings still exist somewhere.
Each minute is agony.

Your marriage needs some help, and you need to keep away from XOM while you work on your marriage. I would suggest counseling to your husband and see what he says. I had great passion with ex-OM also but you know what? It was too high a price for me to change my life around for. So I live a dull life. You know what? I have a gorgeous home, beautiful children, and a successful ($$$$$) husband that doesn't lie to me like the XOM did. I guess good sex is just not in the cards for me. I have come to accept that and even though it sucks I still stick by my decision to stay here. it was a long road for me to come to that conclusion that that is what I wanted for me. Now you have to make that decision for you. This "i don't know what to do " crap is going to eat at your soul eventually. Trust me, I've been there. NC helps you think rationally. It sucked for me, because all I had to go back to was a crappy marriage. I really am content now.
Jazzdiva
OM broke contact today. Like I said, he's single and wants to be with me. Sent me an e-mail that said he wants to marry me as soon as possible. It just broke my heart. This the same night that my husband and I went to counseling, without much progress.
I am so depressed over the thought of never seeing OM again. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't concentrate or enjoy anything. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I don't know how to let him go. This is so painful. Please tell me it gets better.
My husband and I have 1 daughter who is three years old. Yes, he does know how I feel. Impossible not to since I'm crying so much. Obviously, it doesn't make him feel very good.
If I could go back in time, I never would have done this. Hurts too much to know how good it can be, then to let it go. Still not ale to sleep, concentrate, etc.
Honestly, this is just so hard. I feel nothing for my H right now, and I know it's because my emotions are so clouded by my feelings for OM. But, I don't know how to get past those emotions without seeing him again, and knowing if they are real. Even if I try to be with H now, I feel like I'll always have regrets about OM, and not be able to get past them, or re-commit.
I hope things get better for you and your wife. Congrats to you for being so strong and staying NC for three weeks! So far, I haven't even been able to make it a day. I know what I need to do, I just can't find the strength to do it. Even a day feels like an eternity, and I feel so trapped at home.
Still going to try counseling. Keep me posted. I'll do the same.