Some may come along and post that you need to be posting this on another board, since this is a board for those committed to ending their A's, but I want to respond first. You have stated that you know it's an addiction. I also get the feeling that you want to end your A and re-devote yourself to your M... if so, then you just have to do it. You have to block and walk now and get into NC immediately- that is the ONLY way to heal. You can't keep the door open. You have to close that chapter of your life and move on. It's no easy task, but if you do decide to end your A, then we will be here to help you through it.
There is no magic recipe to end your A or to help you get over your xAP, if there was there would be no need for this board. There's no "gearing up" or "getting ready" to end your A, you either end it or you don't. I say that because I personally tried the "getting ready" and slowly let go, and that was more painful then I would like to admit. That's not to say when you end it you won't have slip-ups, as most of us have had.
It sounds like the "feel-bads" are seeping into your A. I won't sugarcoat things for you, ending the A takes real work on your part. You will be hurt, sad, weepy, angry, and confused. But if you truly want to save your M, you will end it, and when you do, we'll be here to support you in any way we can.
It actually takes a lot of strength to keep an A going especially if you are a MW. Think about it…the emotional turmoil, the duplicitous life of lies and deceit. It takes a lot of strength to keep that going. You have a lot more strength then you are giving yourself credit for.
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Part of ending it is being honest with yourself. You can leave him alone. We are in control of our actions. You choose not to leave him alone.
Welcome to EAS. Please stay and read especially in the Healing Library which is near the bottom of the main EAS page.
When you are ready to end your A, we will be here to support you. We don’t say that to be mean or crass. We say that because the ONLY way your A will end Purplerayne, is when you are ready to end it. Ok an exception is if your AP ends it or if you have a D-day. Those are much more destructive ways for the A to end so hopefully you will chose to end it before that happens.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Yes, I saw that too! Caring minds that speak the truth think alike!
I'm trying to type with plastic gloves on as I was just heading outside to do some painting when I noticed a message in my in box. I feel keyboard-challenged at the moment and it is quite a funny sight!
I hope PR gets that we are only trying to be honest and give information that will help.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I am late in chiming in, but I see that some ladies have given you excellent and heartfelt advice. So all I want to do is to offer you my encouragement to end your A and get off this destructive rollercoaster ride that can only head fast and senselessly into the mucky swamp of misery. Ending an A is gut wrenchingly hard and it will feel like an unsurmountable emotional hell in the beginning, but if you stay true to your resolve to end it and gear up to take some excruciating punch in the gut (literally), it will get better and soon it will feel like all the hard work was so worth it - I promise you. It sounds like in your case NC is possible. If that is the case, then taking a deep breath this very moment and blocking and walking and preparing to conquer the emotional battle of your life would be the best decision you've ever made for the sake of your wonderful H and children. Good luck and we are all rooting for you. G.
Thank you for your kind words & support, it is greatly appreciated. Something you said really struck me. If I'm not ready to end it then continue reading until I'm ready to leave him alone. That's exactly how I feel. I want to leave him, I know I have to leave him but I'm not sure if I'm ready just yet. I don't know how much longer I can continue this. Living this lie, this double life. Its draining me and as one of the other comments that were posted...this takes a lot of energy and very time consuming. I'm alot stronger then I think but I'm also lacking emotionally somewhere and he seems to be filling that void. I never knew how creative or manipulative I could be until I started this affair. Amazing the things you learn about yourself. I'm not happy about what I'm doing and I do want to stop and I know I can. I have to start some where though. Wish there were some rehab to get him out my system. I'm overdosing on him in the worse way.
Pages
Hello PurpleRayne-
Some may come along and post that you need to be posting this on another board, since this is a board for those committed to ending their A's, but I want to respond first. You have stated that you know it's an addiction. I also get the feeling that you want to end your A and re-devote yourself to your M... if so, then you just have to do it. You have to block and walk now and get into NC immediately- that is the ONLY way to heal. You can't keep the door open. You have to close that chapter of your life and move on. It's no easy task, but if you do decide to end your A, then we will be here to help you through it.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
There is no magic recipe to end your A or to help you get over your xAP, if there was there would be no need for this board. There's no "gearing up" or "getting ready" to end your A, you either end it or you don't. I say that because I personally tried the "getting ready" and slowly let go, and that was more painful then I would like to admit. That's not to say when you end it you won't have slip-ups, as most of us have had.
It sounds like the "feel-bads" are seeping into your A. I won't sugarcoat things for you, ending the A takes real work on your part. You will be hurt, sad, weepy, angry, and confused. But if you truly want to save your M, you will end it, and when you do, we'll be here to support you in any way we can.
<>
It actually takes a lot of strength to keep an A going especially if you are a MW. Think about it…the emotional turmoil, the duplicitous life of lies and deceit. It takes a lot of strength to keep that going. You have a lot more strength then you are giving yourself credit for.
<>
Part of ending it is being honest with yourself. You can leave him alone. We are in control of our actions. You choose not to leave him alone.
Welcome to EAS. Please stay and read especially in the Healing Library which is near the bottom of the main EAS page.
When you are ready to end your A, we will be here to support you. We don’t say that to be mean or crass. We say that because the ONLY way your A will end Purplerayne, is when you are ready to end it. Ok an exception is if your AP ends it or if you have a D-day. Those are much more destructive ways for the A to end so hopefully you will chose to end it before that happens.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Purple,
It's
~Iddy~
You are I were cross posting to Purple and it looks like we pretty much said the same thing. ;-)
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
Yes, I saw that too! Caring minds that speak the truth think alike!
I'm trying to type with plastic gloves on as I was just heading outside to do some painting when I noticed a message in my in box. I feel keyboard-challenged at the moment and it is quite a funny sight!
I hope PR gets that we are only trying to be honest and give information that will help.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
There is no 'can't' sweetie, only 'won't'.
Purplerayne007 -
I have
Hi brave bird,
Thank you for your kind words & support, it is greatly appreciated. Something you said really struck me. If I'm not ready to end it then continue reading until I'm ready to leave him alone. That's exactly how I feel. I want to leave him, I know I have to leave him but I'm not sure if I'm ready just yet. I don't know how much longer I can continue this. Living this lie, this double life. Its draining me and as one of the other comments that were posted...this takes a lot of energy and very time consuming. I'm alot stronger then I think but I'm also lacking emotionally somewhere and he seems to be filling that void. I never knew how creative or manipulative I could be until I started this affair. Amazing the things you learn about yourself. I'm not happy about what I'm doing and I do want to stop and I know I can. I have to start some where though. Wish there were some rehab to get him out my system. I'm overdosing on him in the worse way.
What kept you going?
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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