can't move past pain and anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
can't move past pain and anger
7
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:08pm

hi all,
if you have followed any of my story, i was with a mm for a year, and in that time he was seperated off and on from his wife, he sttod me up 2 times and called a week later with an excuse, because i loved him i always took him back. i gave all my heart to this man an in return he told me nothing but lies. i trually cared for him, and did things for him out of the kidness of my heart, and he new that he never felt the same way, but took atvantage of me. well this last time he ws seperated from his wife for 2 months, he told me that he loved me and that if it wasn't for his kids he would leave(which i no now is a lie). he took her back, but told me that he would always be with me, and never stop loving me, well he was suppose to come bye on easter and never showed, has not called since. i have been in so much pain, and anger that he couldn't even have called to tell me something, it is like i never exsisted to him. i just can't seem to get past all the anger!!! he has made me feel like i am the overweight, lonely, girl back in highschool who never had dates. this has taken a toll on my self esteem, and who i am as a person, i try to go on day by day, but the anger seems to consume me, i just keep thinking what kind of person, would just never call someone after being with them for a year. need some
input on how to get over this.

thanks candy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:36pm

Candy

>>>"i just keep thinking what kind of person, would just never call someone after being with them for a year."<<<

I will answer that question for you Candy,,,SOME ONE NOT GOOD ENOUGHT FOR YOU THATS WHO.

Naturally your angry and hurt your human no one likes being used and abused like that male or female makes no difference.

Your not that lonely girl anymore your a woman that clearly can attract a man so set you sights higher then his type when your ready and go for the gusto.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:41pm
(((((((((((Candy)))))))))))) Its not easy. And the thing is some of these men go on to ignore the person they had an EMA with-only to keep going back to a wife they are not even happy with. My EXmm is married to a woman with a drinking problem, they nearly split up twice this past year. But he keeps going back to her, and it's amazing.
You will be angry and hurt off and on for awhile..Just try your best to keep busy and meet other people/friends etc. to keep you distracted if possible. The rules for EMA's are not always fair or consistent. There are no "set rules" and men are often good at turning off their feelings when they need to. So while we don't understand how a person can spend all that time on someone only to start ignoring them and not calling etc. it's sometimes how men handle things. There isn't a good answer for how he can 'be that way' and all we can do is realize the whole thing (relationship with someone who is married) was probably a bad idea to begin with. (That's how I see it, looking back on mine)..I think its rare that good comes from an EMA, no matter what end you're on..and I hope you can move onward and find happiness in other ways. Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 5:52pm

candy,

i know how it feels, i too have feelings of anger and mistrust and sadness all rolled into one, sometimes i dont know how to feel anymore, u can cry but it is a temporary relief

we need a permanent solution and we all know what that is, ACCEPTING IT is the hard part

i wish u well

take care of yourself, i wish i have all the answers, i think we are like this coz we still hold on to them in our hearts, even if our mind says the opposite, our hearts will be the last to let go, i have the same issue, OW left already but im still stuck with her in my heart, there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of her

:(
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:34am

The header to your post states "can't move past pain and anger".


I believe a more accurate header description for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:01am

i just wanted to add a comment because this is something i can relate to right now. I do agree and applaud nore's post. Its very true and holds a lot of meaning.

I am going through a lot of slump and anger/hurt/pain right now. It has been a little over two weeks since the break with my exMM and he is doing the ' giving the marriage a second chance.' Not only am i going through that but i have also received news that he is going to be away from approx 7 mths from here, my life our work ( yes we work together ) and now i know that maybe this is God's way of releasing him from my life in some physical aspects. Because I know he will always be in my heart and vise versa. Thats not a denial thing.

I know guys have that tendancy to operate under avoidance, but they are human and i know that he will think of me and miss me. We are friends still but sometimes i hate him. I told him that. I get so angry.

It is all about acceptance and moving on. What is done is done. Women have a tendancy to draw out the past. I know i have been doing that. I was doing so well and it feels as if i have a mental relapse and i am disappointed in myself because i want to MOVE ON so much !

I dont want to hold onto anything/him intentionally. I think i / we just have our own pace , just make sure you keep yourself in check to see that you are doing this on an ideal level. . no rushing nor dragging on w/ the going on process.

I wish i had all the answers too. I myself was seeking support on here this morning. Here I am at work and telling myself keep busy keey busy ! ! !

I must straighten out my mind before i go on. Thats my theory. Not fair to anything that comes my way during the day.

I hope you heal well, you will. Women are strong, we are made this way, so complex and demanding on feelings for a reason and boy do we love to love and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

CB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:05pm

CBW,

Looks like the sun is beginning to peak through those dark clouds overhead, and that you are beginning to see the rays of hope that you can do this, and get past it. Just remember, there is no quick fix. I am 10 months out with my XMM, and we still see each other every day. It was quite the emotional battle for me, but MOST OF IT WAS IN MY HEAD. Yep, anger will seep in every now and then, but that's a good thing as long as it doesn't turn into bitterness.

Just keep looking forward as much as you can. Stepping into the past only keeps us there. Cut the strings that bind you, and begin to embrace the freedom that comes with letting go. What we thought we had was never ours to being with. Accepting that, is the first BIG step.

Stay strong,

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 3:45pm

Candy,

So sorry you had to be hurt like this. The best advice I can give you on how to get over this is to just accept that he is an ass, not worth any more time or energy. He's not going to change, and he has shown you a tremendous amount of disrespect. Not to mention his wife. Is this someone you would REALLY want to be with? NO!!!!! Maybe you can look at it like "thank God you learned in time", and be grateful he's gone. If he tries to worm his smarmy self back into your life, tell him you've kicked him to the curb and later him. You can do it!