Caved and called...feeling so ashamed
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Caved and called...feeling so ashamed
| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:58pm |
Needing some love, girls. OMM filed for divorce...but we decided we should end things between us. After weeks of "business-only" contact, he found out through the grapevine this week that my husband moved into an apartment (completely separate issue). He had also heard that I was moving away, which I told him wasn't true. As for my husband leaving, he told me he was sad...then added "kind of..." and looked at me longingly...that some look that got me in trouble in the first place. That was Wednesday. Last night, I completely caved and left a message at his house. To my surprise, he called back as soon as he got home. But when I asked him how he would feel if I were to move away, he completely stonewalled, told me that he couldn't tell me because my decision had to be for me, not based on anytone else. He told me it would be inappropriate for him to tell me one way or the other. Then when I asked how his divorce was going, he got absolutely silent and then told me he was uncomfortable talking about it with me. He seemed really uncomfortable and a little irritated, and I felt so stupid! Then today, I called again (stupid, stupid) to apologize and assure him I was not going to put him in that position again. And then wouldn't you know it, a work related issue popped up and he was off work, and I HAD to be the one to call him. He wouldn't answer his cell, so I tried his house, and his ex-wife answered. I told her why I was calling, and she told me to try his cell and that she was there to collect more of her things. I felt like an idiot but was afraid ex-wife (who was jealous of me) would try to twist the conversation, so I (again) called...he didn't answer...so I left yet another message saying I had talked to ex-wife and that it was a very civil conversation and told him I would never call him again. Now I feel like an idiot, that I have completely reduced myself to a worm. Someone please help before I completely sink here.
Signatures On
| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:26pm |
how ironic...right after posting this, my phone rang, it was him. He was very warm and friendly, we talked business only and I was the one who ended the conversation and hung up. I have to admit, I felt so powerful after keeping strictly to business...and the fact he called back also gave me a sense of empowerment. Does that make sense? From now on, I am NOT calling him ever again for personal reasons. Even though i still think he would be my ideal partner in life, the circumstances around our meeting and falling in love while still married to other people has tarnished any relationship we might have. We basically decided that we would end our relationship and then if we were both free in a few months we would see what happens...basically, that if it's meant to be, it will be. I can't go through separation and divorce while trying to be in a relationship with someone else...it would cloud my judgment too much while trying to make such important decisions. Looking for strength...reading all the posts here is so helpful.
