Cheating Addiction

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Cheating Addiction
5
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:47am
have a HUGE problem. I have been married for five years, and I have what I would call a 'love addiction'. I have never physically cheated on my husband, but I have had emotional affairs with other men. My husband and I are both young, he's 28 and I am 26. I find myself getting really caught up in the initial feelings of falling in love with someone else. It's like I meet another man, either in real life or over the internet and the feelings of newness and all the attention I get from them makes me feel so good, it's like I can't stop thinking about them or talking to them. I have tried to many times, but I always get back into the bad habits. And I know that my behavior would crush my husband if he found out. I want to stop so bad, but I can't. And the thing is, I have seriously considered ending my marriage for one of these relationships. I think I am addicted to the initial feelings of being pursued by a man. I love my husband so much and I don't want to continue this, but when I stop for a few days, I get really depressed and feel awful. When my husband yells at me or is mean, I feel better about what I am doing because these other men make me feel so much better. The guy that I am currently doing this with is the one I have thought about leaving my husband for. I know that I have a huge problem because I spend alot of time that I should be putting into my marriage on this man, either chatting, emailing, talking on the phone. We haven't even met yet, but we have exchanged alot of pics and stuff. We actually only live 45 minutes apart, but haven't met because I am scared that I would physically cheat on my husband. This man also has a GF of six years that he feels like he would leave if we physically met because he is no longer in love with her. So we have made the choice to put off meeting each other for awhile. I am desperate to stop this destructive behavior. How can I stop this and put my focus and energy on my husband where it belongs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:57am

lily,

have you considered some professional help, see a counselor or therapist , they might be able to help u find out why ?

take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 1:07am

Get thyself into counseling pronto. You've got some serious underlying issues that are screaming for resolution.


You deserve better from life. So does your hubby.


If you're intent on having a life with hubby, get to counseling. Otherwise, cut hubby loose and let him have the undivided attention of his wife that he signed up for when he said "I do".....


jmo,


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 1:36am
spend less time on the comp...more time with hubby. put the time and effort that you'd do so in sitting down on the comp and talking to OM and go on a date with hubby. i'm not sure of your emotional background with hubby or your relationship but i can only give advice from experience, mine also started out the exact way as yours did. i needed the attention from other men and i liked it. stop all contact as i've learned alot of people on this board recommend. although it's SO hard it's great advice. i know alot of people's A's start out in person or in the workforce etc but mine also started out on the comp so just try limiting that activity in general. sorry, it's the best advice i can give since i'm going thru the same thing. good luck :-)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 6:34am

TL

I suggest that you do as the others have suggested and get into individual counceling or T ASAP or you going to find yourself destroying on marriage/relationship after another like this when your 50 years old.

Clearly there are issues that you need to address ASAP.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 10:04am
Tigerlily, You have been given very good advice by the previous posters. You need help immediately before you do something which will screw up the rest of your life. IC is a must. It is likely that you have hidden problems from your childhood which are crying to be resolved. I sincerely hope you get the help you need.......and think about enlisting your H in solving your problem.