Checking in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Checking in
1
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 1:05pm

Sorry that I haven't been on for awhile, just been busy or not been able to check in.  I am back on fb, I keep track of a lot of my friends where we used to live on there and I just couldn't give it up.  I have blocked xap and this time I am determined to keep it that way.  I am just trying to work on myself, figure out why I keep going back to this guy that is no good for me over and over again.  I know a lot has to do with me being very insecure.  For a long time I used my marriage, which was not and is still not in the best place, as an excuse to cheat.  No matter how bad it was or is, my H did and does not deserve that.  The state of my marriage is really mostly my fault because once I started the A, I checked out.  I was planning on leaving my H and this was going to be my "exit affair".  We were going to fall madly and deeply in love and I was going to leave my H and we were going to be together forever.  That wasn't the case obviously.  All xap sees is a ready, willing and able female.  At the end of the day, I DO love my H and he loves me.  I am working on making my marriage work and things are starting to improve.  I have to look in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful, I am worth it.  I joined the gym and I am trying to work on my self esteem issues.  I have a long way to go, but I am worth it.  It is so hard, but I know in time it will get easier.  Thank you all for being here for me, I have no one else to talk to and I need to get this stuff off my chest.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: livin4me1
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 5:39pm

Great update, Livin!

I'm glad you posted in because I tend to worry when peeps disappear.  And now I've two things to worry about.  Is it an ivillage problem or a 'went back out' problem? I'm glad it's been neither for you...you are just busy getting yourownself and your life in order.

You are definitely on the right track.  Seems once you began the process of plugging yourself into your marriage, your husband responded.  Awesome.  I'm so happy for you...and him :)

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board