Checking in - 3 weeks of NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Checking in - 3 weeks of NC
4
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 12:03pm

Well today is the 3 week mark for NC with my xAP.  Honestly, I am having a VERY hard time this week.  I think part of this is knowing that this is the week he is completing the adoption with the W.  While I am happy for him because he has always wanted children, I feel sad about this...I know I'm still greiving the end of our A.  I have known for almost a year that it was truly over, it would NEVER go anywhere.  I am mad at myself for hanging on to something that would never exist, for letting him have little pieces of me during this time.  I just feel like, what's wrong with me that I did this?  I have a wonderful H at home who loves me so very much, he would do anything for me.  I have treated myself, my H and my M horribly.  But I still love my xAP, I miss him every day.  I know I need more time and that I am on the right path, this just feels very, very difficult right now. 

Avatar for Nowaynonownvragain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 1:00pm

Hi Changed,

The three week mark seems to be a hurdle for almost everyone. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. You'll get past this and will be stronger for it. 

Sending you ((hugs)) and strength,

~~Noway~~

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the rose flower sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~unknown

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 2:35pm

Noway's right...there's something about the 3-week marker...maybe it's the finality of it all.  Whatever one runs on to get out...anger...or the enough is enough...dissipates somewhat...and we are left with the reality of it all.  

I understand it's a big week for him, but try to focus more on you...and how much better your life is this week because you have stayed the course.

comforting ((((HUG))))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 3:36pm

Thank you Noway and Clarity.  Gosh am I happy to hear I am not alone in the three week mark!  Seems like a tough one - I'm so ready next week to come already.  Thanks for the encouragement...I'm trying to focus on all the good I do have in my life - and keeping my eye on the prize too!  I know as more time passes things will get easier.  Can't it just hurry up and happen already!

Side note...I only have two days of work next week with it being Thanksgiving in the states.  My H will be off too, I'm pretty excited about time together (we are both so busy career-wise it's limited right now) and being with our families.  I keep looking forward to a break from my regular schedule, thinking it will help get the xAP out of my mind too.  Before I know it the holiday will be over and I'll be checking it @ 5 weeks NC.  It should get better by then, right?! Smile

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 7:35pm

I love your posts, Changed.  No matter how in the dumps you are, you are still upbeat and maintain a positive outlook.

We can't avoid pain, but we can avoid suffering.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board