Choices

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Choices
26
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 10:29am
Hi everyone,

I hope everyone had a enjoyable and peaceful holiday season:). Today marks the second anniversary of my xH's death. He took his own life and I have struggled for the better part of these two years in my part of his death. I understand that no one is to blame for his choice, I will admit that guilt still lingers for me that he made that choice. I have been doing alot of thinking of how I was going to handle this day and every other day that follows. I am ready to forgive myself, I will celebrate what we accomplished together, two great kids and I am going to write him a letter rembering our life together. The good, the bad, the pains and joys we experienced together. I am going to thank him for the second chance I have at living a healthy life and to simply tell him that I loved him and will always have love in my heart for him. 2011 will be a good year in further growth<3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 10:46am

(((Jen)))

I'm so proud of you. I can only imagine how hard these last few years have been for you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish you everything good in 2011. :)

Love,

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 10:50am

Hi Jen,

Today must be a very difficult day for you but it seems like you are choosing to embrace the good and special times you had with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:21am

Jen,

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:35am

Dear Jen,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here with us about the death of your H. We had a close family friend commit suicide, and dealing with aftershocks was so brutal for his family. Suicide brings forth such complicated grief and loss, and I am in awe of your strength. Forgive yourself Jen, move on. Give yourself permission to be happy, & to continue to be the best darn Mom to those fabulous children that you can be.

Much love to you Jen,

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:49am

OMG, here is a hug for you. I know you have heard this milliions of times but you had nothing to do with him committing suicide. We are all imperfect ppl. No one on this earth has lived and not made a huge error in judgement/mistake. I am willing to bet you that if you looked back at his life, he had issues coping long before you had your A. I pray that you will have a wonderful day and New Year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 1:02pm

Peace to you today, Jen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 1:02pm

Dear Jen,,

Here is a big(((HUG))) from me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:34pm
Thank you Bodhi, I feel stronger this year. With letting go of xap and the past I feel fresher and more capable to accomplish more than I ever thought I could:) Happy New Years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:39pm
Thank you Renewal, there have been a few teary moments, the tears this time feel honest and real. Our time together was made up with so many different experiences as marriages are, that choosing to see our marriage for what is was is so much more healing than only seeing what I wanted to see:) Happy New Years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 7:44pm
Thank you unbreakme, I will grab onto grace and forgiveness as I feel so much calmer to forgive myself and keep moving forward to be healthy:) Happy New Years!

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