Choices

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Choices
26
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 10:29am
Hi everyone,

I hope everyone had a enjoyable and peaceful holiday season:). Today marks the second anniversary of my xH's death. He took his own life and I have struggled for the better part of these two years in my part of his death. I understand that no one is to blame for his choice, I will admit that guilt still lingers for me that he made that choice. I have been doing alot of thinking of how I was going to handle this day and every other day that follows. I am ready to forgive myself, I will celebrate what we accomplished together, two great kids and I am going to write him a letter rembering our life together. The good, the bad, the pains and joys we experienced together. I am going to thank him for the second chance I have at living a healthy life and to simply tell him that I loved him and will always have love in my heart for him. 2011 will be a good year in further growth<3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:04pm
Thank you CSN, big hugs to you as well:) I have found so much strength from all of you here, it has been such a gift to share and recieve such supportive advice I feel blessed:) Happy New Years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
In reply to: jen36jen
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 11:25pm

Big hugs Jen. What you posted is a stark reminder to me of how life can change in an instant and that we can't take any of this life forgranted. I hope you have forgiven yourself. I would bet that he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up for 2 years. Please

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 1:18am
Thank you luvin:) I am sorry for the loss of your Dad and best childhood friend. All loss is hard to grieve though the loss of a parent is especially hard as I have learned from my kids. I would love to take the hurt away for them, I know I can't but I can be there for them in the best possible way. Luvin you have inspired me long before I started posting and I wish you a very Happy New Years:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 1:38am
Thank you is love enough, the peaceful thoughts have helped me through the day :) Happy New Years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 1:52am
Thank you Melinda:) Looking back at the months before my xh's suicide was a very difficult period in my kids and I lives as well as the rest of the familys. It was like watching him die slowly and it was heartbreaking, sad and frusterating that he couldn't see or hear what everyone was trying to show and tell him. It's been a long road to get to a better place and I am so thankful that I am no longer in a fog and denying my truths it has been an important step in my healing to face and own my actions:) Happy New Years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: jen36jen
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 2:00am
Thank you sunshine, big hugs to you as well:) The time has come to forgive myself, in doing so I will remember our life together and I will have learned important lessons in what actions I have taken in the past and how I can change my current and future choices:) Happy New Years!

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