choosing to live with health and decency

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
choosing to live with health and decency
1
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:18am
I have been around this message board for a long time, getting help for myself and offering it to others as well. I get to a point where I have to take time away for myself because I have chosen to live a healthy lifestyle. I was here for months and months before one MM came along to post here and told me of how he made good changes in his own life, even ended up with his OW. Ladies, it took him having a doctor tell him that if he didn't get out of his M, his life would be shortened! Do you see what it takes? I simply could not continue to put my life on hold for someone who cares so little about himself as to stay in a marriage he claimed to be so unhappy with yet wanted a relationship with me! This is not a person who is living a healthy or decent lifestyle. It is a person who is being selfish because he didn't want to face the issues in his life and make changes. It was EASIER to continue with the inappropriate behavior and offer himself whatever comfort I could give that he didn't get at home.

There are NO EXCUSES for having an A. None. They happen because people who are in a marriage either make friends with someone at work or reconnect with an old friend/make a new one and then it is off and running. But it doesn't change the fact that there is a relationship waiting at home that needs to be attended to one way or the other. To run from that responsibility is immature behavior. Women or men who allow themselves to get involved with a MM/MW are NAIVE. I was one of them. I have learned and will not put myself in that position ever again regardless of who it is. When we GIVE LOVE, we deserve to get it in the same way - by being respected. There is no real respect in an A.

I've had ladies here ask me to please tell them that it gets better and it does. But in order for that to happen, the bad behavior has to stop. You have to grow a backbone and tell the MM/OM that this is just not right and until the relationship can be right, it has to end. When MMNEEDS posted this message, it brought back way too many memories for me even though my own A was very different. But it also showed me that the decision I made was right on. If we don't demand respect from the people who are in our lives, we are not going to get it.

Whether or not those of you who are reading this are married or single, I hope this post makes some sense to you because it isn't about your DH, your W, your OM, your MM or your OMM/OMW - IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND GETTING IT RIGHT!

God speed everyone - hope you all have a happy and healthy week!

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 10:15am
great post GT- I think you hit it right on.

Lyssa