Christmas wishes

I too echo your Christmas Wish WGO!! C'mon programmers we are all really losing patience now.... But back to topic! So pleased to hear your contentment and happiness WGO, it echos in every word you write. I too am happily in a great place, having cut those last silly tangled ties. I must write it all out sometime soon..... But right now it's all about the family, festive fun  Have a great Christmas WGO I know you will :)) To Clarity, posters and readers alike, I wish you all a contented and peaceful Christmas...... Happy Christmas Everyone! Much Love Sunny Soon Xxx

trying this again - can I say how much I hate the transition because it's killed more than one long winded frustration and vent. Ah well - it's been a long week and I find myself in a melancholy place with things. I have mixed feelings about the holiday this year - I've been trying to be in the spirit of things, even hosted a pinterest party tonight where we played a bunch of minute to win it games and tried some great nosh. It was fun and I realized in the last few days that since my first A I've been waiting for some great climactic moment where I had great clarity of happiness and since there hasn't been a lightning moment I continue on looking for some obvious thing, some specific event or feeling or something that I know I'm happy instead of recognizing that joy exists around me in small and simple ways. And because I've been looking past all these little things - I've been trying to define happiness by connecting to any relationship, but I think I've picked unavailable men because the jaded me wants an easy out if there is no lightning . I'm not sure what to do from here. Even tho I feel like this is a good breakthrough for me, I don't know what it is I need to do to avoid the stupid pit and habit formed behavior that leads me down the same path. I know the obvious answer is - don't do the same thing I always do. Way easier in theory. For example - I have a friend that I've gone to dinner with before, he is single (good), older than me, but is upfront that while he is interested in getting together - he wants no long-lasting relationship. I like him, he is funny, we have great chemistry, and a part of me wants to "play" since I'm not sure I want to date anyone seriously or not? I mean I guess in a way there is a part of me that wants something serious- I miss the companionship of being in a relationship - but my own damages from a failed marriage and other failed relationships make me skittish to want to try again. And I guess a part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't try - because maybe there is something too broken in me. so even in the midst of everything, I am trying to overcome the jaded me who feels like I should satisfy my physical desires with a new friend to fill the right now wants - and take a leap of faith based on this insight from this week. I am trying to avoid the same old same habits and behaviors. And I'm trying to consider the blessings and happy moments that I do have in my life - and even more, enjoy the time during this holiday with my family and friends. It is hard and a part of me is scared to death because this is all new territory for me. :( So my Christmas wish is really one of a new start - new paths, new appreciation, new faith.