Clarity - I Finally Did It

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Clarity - I Finally Did It
7
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 9:05pm

Posting to all but want Clarity to know I finally did it.  Its over and I've been NC for 6 days now.  Thank you all for your support and thanks Clarity for the kick in the a** many times! I stopped posting until I made the move because I didn't feel right being here, but I'd really like to be here right now.  It hasn't been an easy time but I'm proud of me!  I'll be back later with the details.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 5:23pm

If I could create a trophy, it would be a pic of walnut with a cute funny face inbetween a nutcracker with my hands, giving it a good squeeze...then I'd really be cracking you up...hah!

Keep that wonderful sense of humor...it often sees us through.

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 4:47pm

All I can say is ....you crack me up!! LOL  You got me to laugh today and the only other's capable of that today have been my 22 month old twin grandsons!  Being with them 5 days a week right now will only help! 

OH by the way is there a trophy I get for this falling off the wagon record????? I think the shape of a hammer would be appropriate.....worked with a man years ago that said I was a stubborn hammer head!  He called that one right. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:55pm

Sue

People fall off the wagon...it happens...the Board is aways here...always.  Okay...so you may hold the record, but hey, everyone's bottom is different.  Just bustin' your ovaries there :smileywink:

You can do it this time, Sue...you just have to...and I know you can.  You are a determined woman and if you just put in 1/10 of the effort of getting out that you put in on staying in, you WILL do it.  You're already doing it with 6 days NC under your cute Gucci belt.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:09pm

Thanks Clarity, for your thoughts on my brother. I mean I look at him and think my problems are really nonexistent.  Brings you to reality real quick. 

All I know for sure right now is that I'm doing the right thing. Its the first time I felt so sure of what I was doing.  Thank you for all those years of kicks and for always taking me back. 

((((HUGS))))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 1:54pm

(((Sue)))

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother...my thoughts and prayers are with you, him...your family.

Please, use this 'break for a while' to focus your attention where it needs to be...on getting yourself well and being there for your brother.

You've been at this place countless times...allowing yourself to be his option, while you have made him your priority.  I hope this is no longer an option for you...and that you will make your wellbeing your priority.  

We all know how hard letting go is.  And we all want to avoid it, but we can't...but the hurt now will not last forever.  You just have to get through it...there's no easy way out.  Stay NC and there'll be no more hurt heaped on.

You know how this Board works.  Hang around, participate, get support, support others.  You know the score...you know the drill.

Lean on us.

((hugs))

Clarity 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 1:17pm

Happy Dance Away!  

 

Honestly, Im hurting today.  He told me last week he thought we should take a break for awhile, said he doesnt know what or who he wants. If he wants to work it out with her or be with me.  Says his life is a mess right now with the DDAY, and DUI, along with the financial aspect of the DUI.  He said he loved me and this wasnt goodbye. 

I woke up over the weekend and realized it was most likely goodbye.  Goodbye because as much as I want to believe him, and I do think he was being honest (mostly) , hes had seven years to decide what he wanted and its never been a real life with me.  Ive said nothing to him just gone NC.  This all happened Wednesday and on Friday he called to see how I did on my final at school and that was the last I heard from him.  Maybe that was just guilt because he felt he upset me so much the night before the final. who knows? 

I know in my heart Im gonna be okay and my life will get better, better without him and her in it, but its hurting right now so badly.   You know, good at moments, then crying the next. Feelng alone and scared. I've had so much to deal with the past couple of weeks. My brother had an accident and suffered a spinal cord injury, right now he cant walk and has lost use of at least one arm.  We have hope because there is some feeling in his legs, and we pray.  

So 10 days after that happened to my brother, I get to deal with this.  Life has gotta get better. 

Sorry if Im sounding down today. You know Clarity, in my head I knew all along this was best, and I decided to make this effort to let go of him, but if I have to be honest there was that little part of me that was hoping he would see life without me, and that if I stayed away he would miss me...but my phone isnt ringing. Thats a good thing in the grand scheme of things, but we always hope they care where we went and if we are okay.  He knows me and knows I suck at this nc thing, I actually have been getting a push by thinking to myself let him wonder what happened.  

I think right now I need to keep moving forward with NC and get strong, because at some point he will contact me and I have to be ready to keep walking the other way.  I really need a friend today......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 9:49pm

OH MY G-D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dare I do my happy dance!?!?!?!?!?! tap...tap...tap....tap....

OMG!  I can't wait 'til you are able to share the details.  I am sooooooooooo proud of you, Sue.   OMG, I'm so excited!

Hurray back.  You need to be here...to help support you.

OMG!

(((HUGS)))

Clarity