The Clearing Fog
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| Mon, 12-31-2012 - 7:16pm |
Well for those of you that know my story you will know its a roller coaster, the physical A ended in September but emotionally it has continued, until yesterday!! Over the last week xap and I have been for coffee twice, lunch once, had a few drinks and he left me a Xmas gift in my drawer at work, a heart shaped chocolate. I certainly don't want to get back into the A but I do love him and his friendship. Then on Friday he had the day off work and I received the most evil, viscous text from his wife telling me to stop this obsession I have with him, and why don't I get it that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me, she even called me a dumb slut, I was so upset I felt betrayed by xap, I have no idea what brought this on?? So I did nothing, then yesterday NYE at work I couldn't even look at him, he never spoke to me either, I am confused?? Did he know about the text?? So I forwarded it to him and at the bottom I put "consider me out of your life for ever" I don't know what I was expecting in reply, but what I got was another text from his wife saying "thank f@@k for that".
where to from now?? Do I confront him? Or do I try to ignore him, not sure what to do?? Please help!
One thing I do know is "we are never ever ever getting back together"
Happy New Year to all
T xxx
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From here on in, I'd strongly suggest that you stay out of his life and move on. Doesn't matter why this all came down...the point is that you have no business being anything together anyway.
I wouldn't approach him at all...just go about your business. You can do some praying that his wife doesn't go spilling your beans to your husband or act out in any other way. A betrayed spouse can make your life miserable, right or wrong. We never know how someone will behave in the face of betrayal...but I've heard it all.
Consider this an opportunity to start 2013 with a clean slate. You said you had an interview for another job. Is that coming up?
Clarity
withClarity, Community Leader...EAS
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Hi Tily
Please, please, please, please - L E T G O. This is very serious. If I knew there was another woman in my H's life, I would be seeing red too. You have no right what so ever to this man. He is not going to leave his wife for you, and you have no right to confront his in regards to his decisions to stop your EA.
Saying this - I know how painful it must be for you. I know the feeling of rejection bites. I know the ache and the sadness involved in ending an A, no matter who ends it. I ended my A, but it killed me inside....at least I thought it did - I'm still here and I am certainly not dying in pain anymore.
We want the best for you, so move on. I worked with my xAP too - so again - I get you. Its the pits - so move on. To be honest - I don't think you will be happy again unless you find a new job - make this your new years resolution - its important you move on, and away from this man and his wife.
Keep writing here - let us know how things are going. we do care - we are just trying to give you a wake up call
´WGO
Hi Tily
Please, please, please, please - L E T G O. This is very serious. If I knew there was another woman in my H's life, I would be seeing red too. You have no right what so ever to this man. He is not going to leave his wife for you, and you have no right to confront his in regards to his decisions to stop your EA.
Saying this - I know how painful it must be for you. I know the feeling of rejection bites. I know the ache and the sadness involved in ending an A, no matter who ends it. I ended my A, but it killed me inside....at least I thought it did - I'm still here and I am certainly not dying in pain anymore.
We want the best for you, so move on. I worked with my xAP too - so again - I get you. Its the pits - so move on. To be honest - I don't think you will be happy again unless you find a new job - make this your new years resolution - its important you move on, and away from this man and his wife.
Keep writing here - let us know how things are going. we do care - we are just trying to give you a wake up call
´WGO
You have to let go. It is the only way. Quit hanging onto this loser.
Why would you hang on hoping..............for someone who only hurts you?
Please, please take this as a wake up call. It is you that needs to change.
He only wants to use you. He is too weak to change. Accept that he doesn't love you ENOUGH!
Get a backbone. Stand up! Dust yourself off. Move on!
Redraw your boundaries so that both of you know that it's not to be crossed, and stick to it.
Time will heal you.
Everyone here can't be wrong.
Rather....
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
No. No more communication...no more interjecting yourself into his life...no telling him what's what. He knows he is weak and doesn't need you pointing that out. He was weak...you were weak.
Time to place your focus on where it really belongs...on you.
I'm sure you've been directed to the thread on LC in the workplace. Those are solid guidelines to help you navigate in the workplace.
You must let go and start the process of moving forward.
((hugs))
Clarity
withClarity, Community Leader...EAS
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Tily, honey, if it helps any, you are not the first other woman to be thrown under the bus. I've seen some go back for more and become so familiar with the underside of that bus, they could have gone on to become expert mechanics.
No, it's not fair, it's not right...but was an affair, and unfortunately the consequences of accepting being someone's side dish which tends to get tossed out because eating the main dish is priority.
I understand how hard it is to bite your tongue...it's still my biggest hurdle...so I know...I really know.
She's not a stupid woman...she knows it takes two to tango...and it's easier for her right now to throw all her rage on blame on you..and it's easier right now for him to let her.
Hang in there...chin up, and go about your business with as much grace and dignity you can muster.
((hugs))
Clarity
withClarity, Community Leader...EAS
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
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