Closed the door
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| Thu, 02-10-2005 - 8:47pm |
I finally did it!!!!
Yesterday the man I am dating told me that he loves me and I told him 'I love you'
At that moment I closed the door completely to my affair.
I know now why I loved xMM. When it was all said and done and all this time has gone by (16 m since we ended our 8 month A) he was the one person who 'knew me' like no one has ever known me. And I 'knew him' like no one has ever know him. we got each other. maybe that is what a soul mate is.
BUT it is over forever. I have just committed myself to this new man who is wonderful, who is there for me every day any time I want him, he is all mine, he always wants to be with me, he takes care of me and spoils me, he is a good Christian man, a good father, he loves my children and I love his children, he will marry me someday. I know all these things deep to my soul. He is all about actions and giving love--not just taking love. I have never even had sex with this man yet because he is waiting for me because he is in no rush because this is it--I am the one. He holds me in his arms and holds my hand and all night long.
xMM is out of my head now. I don't think of him because what we had wasn't real. And his love was only loving how I made him feel. He never gave me anything real. And he hurt me terribly and left me when I left my M for him and was so scared and lost and alone and he turned his back on me and tried to make it 'my fault' because I was in too much of a hurry--etc,.etc he couldn't hurt his kids but it was ok for my kids to get hurt.
When I think of him I remember how we got each other and I remember how unforgiveable what he did to me is and how much pain and sadness I suffered. I can never forget that and it can never be overcome.
I am praying that God will Bless my new relationship. I have been given something I never thought I would be given when I thought I could never love again and that I would be alone and miserable pining for xMM for the rest of my life. But that is not what happened, instead I was given a man better than I could ever deserve. I never want to hurt this new man. I will never say i love you or kiss xMM again. never.
I'm done.
I Survived

Survive
"I'm done.
I Survived ", Yes your are and yes you have, you might say you are Free.
God Bless your new union when it happens.
Free