Closing another chapter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Closing another chapter
6
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 2:31pm
Took a small but powerful step today -- closed the hotmail address that I had used exclusively for my correspondence with XMM. Haven't used it since the A ended 6 months ago, but couldn't really bring myself to close it until now.

It's really no big deal; the few times I've heard from him over the past few months have been on my "regular" email account anyway. But still, it felt good to let it go. It's been a painfully slow process, but bit by bit I've worked through. The light at the end of the tunnel is so bright now, it is practically right on top of me! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 3:19pm
Hey guess what, that is what I did today.. Took my OM off my address list on my hotmail account, and on my messenger too. It was a great step forward for me. These little things they do mean a lot, even if they are baby steps. :) I am glad you and me. YAY!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 5:43pm
Hi Katie! Yep, I know the feeling. I remember when we closed down our phone connection. When we were first seeing each other my cell phone bill was totally out of control, so XMM bought me a phone and paid the bill every month. I only used that phone to speak with him, and we exchanged about 300 text messages on it each month. About 6 weeks ago we disconnected the service. And ouch!!!! But it had to be done, you know???? Otherwise that phone was holding me hostage. I'd be checking for messages - when we first started NC I'd still be checking like a dozen times each day. Gradually it dwindled to once every few days. Clearly there was no point in maintaining the service, and it was only causing us harm.

And then I remember when, just a few weeks ago actually, I accidentally referred to him as XMM in one of my posts here.

Pretty soon I'll be giving his sweaty old hockey jersey to Good Will!!

Big step for you, and congrats on taking it. Remember, everything in its own time. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 9:30pm
HI

Well done.

You regain yourself and your freedom one step a a time a little bit here and a little bit there, one day you look around and you out of that tunnel.

Good going and Good Luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 10:11am
That is great! I was thinking I needed to close my email too. I check it a few times a day. I hope that you are finding yourself and the happiness you deserve. Hopefully I will get there one of these days. I am still in tears but trying.

tb
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 3:34pm
Hey Katie,

Havent been around lately. So much going on. Keeping to myself these days. Started speaking to XMM again. ugh! not helping the issue. I know. We havent rekindled anything but our emails have been getting pretty dangerous. Anyway, I popped on here to just see what was going on. Hoping to regain some strength and saw your post. Just wanted to congratulate you on your accomplishment. Sounds like your doing well.

Wish I could just let this go. Hopefully will gather up the strength again to start this process all over again. Life w/ my hubby and son are good. Not sure why I feel the need to keep contact with XMM.

Be well.

xo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:41pm
Hey dipss, I've been wondering about you! It's good to hear from you.

Believe me, I've been in *exactly* the position you are in -- tried to end things several times with the XMM but eventually started talking again, talks started platonically, creeped back into the danger zone, and BAM, we were back in the thick of things.... It's so hard to end it for good.

For us, it took a specific drastic incident to finally end it. Thankfully, that incident was not something that led to my losing everything, and I consider myself VERY lucky; it's only in hindsight that I can clearly see just how much I was risking. I too don't understand why I couldn't see that more clearly, why the thought of losing my H and kids didn't motivate me to stay away from XMM for good. I was blinded by the addiction, I guess.

Anyway -- just wanted to let you know that I do understand exactly where you are! And I don't mean to sound ominous, but I do hope you'll find the strength and motivation to let go before it is too late. (Just saying that b/c I wish someone had said that to me earlier on in the A!)