closing the chapter

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
closing the chapter
1
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 8:52pm
It has now been seven weeks since I officially ended my 3 year A with my coworker. I just found out today that he has gotten a job in another office and will be leaving my office as of Oct. 15th. We are both married to others and there was never any question of us leaving our marriages to be together permanently, but I have become much more involved in the A emotionally than XMM. After making the decision to end it for the third time, but this time I have stuck by the decision, I found every day in the office to be a trial of my emotions.

Our understanding when the physicl aspect of the A began was the if either of us chose to end it, that we would let it go gracefully and still be friends. After getting deeply involved emotionally and intimately however, I realized that XMM loved the control he had over the situation and over me. So, when I told him that it was not happening any more, he still tried his control tactics, every single day. One day he would be like my best friend, the next day he would be sarcastic and verbally mean. The next day he might be very sweet and try to bring up good times we had, and the next day he might ignore me.

It has been said on this board that NC is the only way to really end an A. I hoped that wasn't true, but now, I do believe it is true.

I have to admit that I will miss him when he leaves because we have worked together and beeen involved with one another's lives since 1988, but I am so grateful that I won't have to deal with him every day. I am also glad that I had the strength to end it even before I knew he had applied for this other job. It makes me feel better about myself to know that I ended it because I knew it was wrong and because I was tired of his manipulation rather than to have it end due to outside circumstances. Does that make any sense?

I began posting with the My Affairs board this past April because I was in such turmoil, wanting and needing to end the A even then. I then began posting here and have found much advice and support which has given me insight into myself and strength to end this destructive behavior. I want to thank Free and True and all of you out there who have helped me over the months. I will continue to read and post when I think I can help anyone else.

I still may need some support here myself. I have never actually went NC with XMM, but I honestly think it will be easier than being tormented by being around him every day.

I am working hard on my marriage and I feel as if this is a chapter in my life which is now officially closing.

I must say also that I truly admire those who have ended their A but can still work with X or be around X on a regular bassis. I don't think I could have done it for much longer and I am just so grateful that it is XMM leaving rather than me having to do so. He is going to a better job and it will be a good thing for us both.

Thanks again to you all and I'm out here for anyone else whom I may be able to help.

IP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:20pm
HI IP

I got your mail (both) and dropped you a line at your second address.

Hang in there your almost out of the woods, watch out for any trip wires !!

Free :-)