??? Closure question for all...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
??? Closure question for all...........
14
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 12:56am
If you didn't expect it and suddenly were given the opportunity to see your xMM/OM/OW (affair partner) for the purpose of YOUR CLOSURE, what questions would you ask? What would you want to tell him or her? What would give you closure and that peace of mind to walk away for the rest of your life?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 12:22pm
>>He was so worried about keeping the balance and peace for all invloved and not wanting to hurt anyone (his W and child) didn't he realize or does he realize the pain that was inflicted on me for falling in love with him? Where is my peace? Where is my balance? <<

This really bothered me at the end of my affair, too. He went back to his normal life and his wife was oblivious to the fact that he had an affair. I, however, was left out in the cold. He acted like he was totally fine and over me and like things were going fine between he and his wife and I was miserable. When I complained about this to him, he basically said that I didn't have any rights about this but his wife did because she was his wife. Cold, but true. It was really painful to hear, but that was one of the comments he made that started me on the path to realizing the affair was over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:33pm
I guess I don't really believe in closure. My OM and I tried to get closure several times and each ending seemed to lead into a new beginning. It's only through NC that I have let go of him....not entirely...but for the most part. If I could talk to him I would first apologize for not sticking to my word, for letting my fear interfere with my ability to do what was right. I would want to know if he ever really did care about me or if I was a challenge? Or was I a pay back of sorts to his wife that cheated on him? Did he ever trully feel the connection he said he did? Did he mean all of the horrible things he said or were they his war words? All these questions....I will never have the answers but I am slowly coming to peace with this and learning to have no regrets. Wishing you all the peace you deserve!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:56pm

NRE, while my affair partners may not number several there were a few. I also married one of them and I'm still with him. I have been open and honest with him as you have with your CW. As for the 'other' partners, I still occasionally here from them. Sean knows about them and our now friendships. They know I'm not leaving him for anyone and he knows that.


By being open and aboveboard, I have been able to continue my relationship with Sean. Had I lied to him about it or withheld my affair from him, I would not be comfortable within myself, therefore unable to be comfortable with him. We're at 13+ years even with the affair with GB in the middle of it all.


BTW, GB called yesterday asking for Sean or Chris. It was for business so I went ahead and answered. He asked how I was. I told him of my recent surgery. Then we went on to the business at hand. Nothing more. I felt no spark,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:11pm
Last night I was listening to a friend cry because her "normal" (i.e. both are single) relationship is ending. She met this man, felt an instant, connection, and they fell in love. Now that it's ending she's asking herself, "What part was real? Was he just acting or did he really care about me?" It struck me that a month or two ago I was asking her the same questions because my affair was ending. I guess ending a relationship is painful regardless of the circumstances.

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