Cold indifference towards me now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Cold indifference towards me now...
23
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:20pm
Hi, It's the end of the week here and I had a mid-week run-in with XMM. We work at the same company. Well, he had to come to my area and do something and was in my building and acted like nothing has happened between us. He treated me like anyone else here. We did NOT have a discussion or chit-chat, and I avoided all eye contact. But the tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. It made me feel so nervous and weird. I don't know if he was just "testing the waters" to see what my reaction would be since we haven't spoken for almost 2 weeks. It was the most uncomfortable encounter that I've ever had with him. On the one hand, I wanted to knock his lights out. And on the other hand, I wanted to hug him. But I did neither. I had to act like he meant nothing to me. I had to put on a false smile and treat him nicely in front of others. I don't know what's worse...having no contact or actually seeing him and having him treat me with such indifference. I don't know how emotions can be turned off like that. I don't want him back, but a little kindness or show of emotion from him sure would be nice. Instead, I feel like any other Joe Schmoe here. It reconfirms my belief that he has just picked up and moved on. I never knew he was such a cold-hearted, emotionless, indifferent man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 8:29am

Lost Voyage:
I remember being where you are -- and how hard it can be. It's almost like trying to breathe thru soup, or something. Everything is slower, harder to do. Only you know if letting her go is the right thing. My opinion? You probably need to let her go. An ultimatum - well, only if you're prepared to stick with it. I've always heard that lawyers say don't ask a question you don't already know the answer to.....what do you think her answer would be? If you think her answer would be no, then you need to move on and give yourself time to grieve and heal and then find someone who is willing to go out on a limb for you. You deserve that. We all do.

I do understand the feeling of not wanting someone to leave "for me" -- I think the guilt would be a tremendous weight and think that it could create a wedge if things got tough -- and with a blended family, there will be tough times. But you're out of your marriage now -- and I can't imagine how difficult that must have been - and fully available. If she's not, then you have to move on. And that's so hard. It's hard to let go of someone that you still love. I could not even begin to really work on my marriage until I got past the grieving stages. And then T was a god-send for me...a way to look at the issues that led me down that slippery slope into completely falling in love with someone. I had to look at the end of the A as a death.

I won't call him-- thanks for your concern. I agree with you completely. It's over, he's the past -- an important part of my past and the person I've evolved into -- but we aren't friends anymore. We both have our own lives - and I'd go as far to say my life is very good - and I need to respect my life and my H.

Hope today is a good one for you.
B

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 2:26pm

Bethstrong-

Well I ended it. I had to take back my life. I told her I loved her, but I can't wait around and I'm moving on. Yes, leaving my family was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but after almost 10 years of constant fighting with W, I gave up. I tried 400% for the sake of my kids, it just wasn't going to work. Believe me I tried so hard to make that work and you don't ever want to go there. Since your M had a chance, you did the right thing and don't ever second guess that - I know what the alternative is like. This has taken 2nd place to that event. All the emotions you described - it's all there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 3:07pm

I'm a big believer that children can be better off when parents divorce if the marriage can't be saved. It's better for them to not have married parents that love them and can get along in front of them than to have parents that fight but stay together "for the kids." I can only imagine what a tremendously painful choice that was. And know that if you can survive that-- you can survive this too!

Hope you're doing okay today.

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