Common theme among X/OMM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Common theme among X/OMM
9
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:35pm

While reading the posts here I can't help but notice a common theme among most (not all) of the X and OMM. They all seem to be unfeeling, uncaring, mean, selfish individuals. Is it that we women just take the A to heart more? Not sure, but here are some lyrics to a Patty Loveless song that I just can't get enough of right now.

Blame It On Your Heart
(Harlan Howard/Kostas)

You've got a thing or two to learn about me baby
'Cause I ain't taking it no more and I don't mean maybe
You don't know right from wrong
Well the love we had is gone
So blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating,
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

Well all I wanted was to be your one and only
And all I ever got from you was being lonely
Now that dream is laid to rest
'Cause you have failed the test
Hey blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating,
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

Are you headed for a heartache, oh yeah
Gonna get a bad break, oh yeah
You made a bad mistake, oh yeah
Well, you're never gonna find another love like mine
Someone's gonna do you like you done me honey
And when she does you like she'll do you, it ain't funny
You need some sympathy
But don't be calling me
Hey blame it on your lying, cheating, cold deadbeating
Two-timing, double dealing
Mean mistreating, loving heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:59pm

CGU

I think women who get into an affair choose to believe that men get into them for the same reason with the same motivations and goals, but in most cases it just is not true, so women superimpose there motivations and feelings on to there view of the MM and end up getting one awful surprise when the men just walk away from the affair and get on with life so easly because there in it for totally different reasons and don't have the same emtional investment in it.

There are of course exceptions to this, most of the men that post at boards like this one seem not to fit that mold, there often more like women in there emotions.

JMNSHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 10:16pm

<>

My xMM is has always told me that he's more emotional than a lot of guys, I believe it, I've seen it! But most of all I think he is more easily influenced than most. I know that if I'm around and try to tug him into seeing things my way, I'm usually successful. Then he can be around someone else who does the same thing and his thoughts will change to their way of thinking. I think I'm gonna get him some really big BALLS for Christmas, ask him to attach them properly, and wear them home. He needs to think for himself, and maybe he wouldn't be somewhere he doesn't want to be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 10:34pm

Pal

Make them big CHROME BALLS, at least they woun't tarnish and you will be able to check your makeup in the reflection, I think thats about the only use anyone is going to get out of them.

Free

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 4:24pm
Hmmmm...good point. I think about XOM and I don't think he is mean and uncaring. I think he is just a screwed up individual, but hell so am I. There were times he was very caring and very giving like this past year....I don't know if that is enough to redeem his selfishness of the past. It isnt' for me to say, and in the scheme of the universe it doesn't matter because it is over. I really do hope that someday I can be with someone that possesses some of his good qualities..because they were very good.

Jazzdiva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 4:26pm

Man, you got me laughing about that BALLS comment..LOL..I needed that today.

My XOM is very emotional, not something you would expect from a six foot retired military man. That was what I found attractive about him in the first place but at this point its like "you know what mofo?!...Be a freaking man and stand by your convictions. You're all over the place depending on which way the wind blows"...

I swear, i think he made more sense when he was drinking.

Jazzdiva

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 7:55pm

Hiya CGU,

Interesting take, but I wonder if the common theme isn't merely that we fail to set appropriate boundaries and then manage to be surprised when the affair partner continually oversteps the mark.

As part of my own healing process, I perceived myself as a victim for awhile. It helped to fuel the flames of the anger I needed in order to maintain distance from exOM. That said, it dawned on me that nothing and I mean NOTHING had been done TO me that I had not personally accepted and, indeed, enabled and encouraged.

It's very much a perspective thing. If someone treats me like poo-poo then it's only because I have allowed that to happen. Setting appropriate boundaries and maintaining them is a mark of self-respect and self-esteem as is respecting and observing others' boundaries. I had precious little of either so my boundaries were wishy-washy at best and down-right self-serving at worst.

Back from a wonderful Thanksgiving with DH & DD with my family in the USA and gently easing myself back into the boards!

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 9:34am

<<>>


Hey Posie...


Happy to hear you had a safe and pleasant trip. We missed you around here. Welcome back to cyberdom ;)


 

 

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:17am

Aww thanks for the welcome back, True! I missed you all, too! *group hug* lol

I had an amazing time, DD had a great time running around with her American cousins (she's learned her first Americanism - "yep" so I guess she'll be bi-lingual British/American LOL), and DH even played his very first round of golf with my step-dad and brothers!

Most significantly, this was the first Thanksgiving break in 5yrs that my thoughts didn't turn to exOM. I have a great deal for which I can give thanks.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 2:58pm

Free, I hope you don't mind this emotional male being the cl on this board.....


I can't imagine what it would be like to live my life any other way.


And I don't need CHROME ones, either.....


cl-nre