Confessions of a fisher

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Confessions of a fisher
18
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 6:49am

It seems so many of us are in the same boat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 7:07am

Girl, I am giving you an enormous amount of kudos for having the courage to post this!!

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 7:57am

Oh Always.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 8:31am
Dear Everythingisrightwithme

I agree with always that it was incredibly brave of you to post this. And I know how you are feeling. Really difficult to irreversibly delete anything nowadays. I have deleted and added, blocked and unblocked xap on my chat list more times than I can count. But everytime I am tempted to contact him, I ask myself these questions:

(1) What will I say to him? I have passed the stage when I think it is cool to send him a sexy message in hopes that he will take the time to respond. Now the thought is just icky.

(2) What do I expect him to say to me? If he ignores me it will drag me back to the old days of insecurity again. If he responds I have to go back to question (1)

(3) How do I ever expect to move on if I remain emotionally tied to him? I am actually enjoying time with my kids and husband again, knowing that there is no one they would rather be with than me.

I am now past the stage when I am seriously tempted to fish. But this is what I used to do, and I hope the suggestion helps you:

Get up and move away from the computer/smartphone. I admit I often ended up stuffing my face with chocolate in the kitchen but a few extra pounds is a small price to pay for peace of mind and the regrowth of your self-respect.

If that is not possible, start a chat/call with someone you have meaning to get in touch with for a while. I found that this latter move especially fulfilled my need for communication, and usually by the end of the chat/call, I was relieved that the moment had passed. It doesn't actually last that long, although I know it seems that way.

You will get through this. I trust you to remain NC from this point forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 8:50am

thank you Browndress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 8:54am
You are cracking me up, WWWM. I think you have to create a whole new account to change your moniker. I changed mine ages ago when I realized the email account associated the account I set up wasn't secure. I had to create a new account with a different email addy and then changed my name to add the 2 to it.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 9:25am

omg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 9:40am

So, you got bitchslaped by Icky Dicky?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 9:58am

Hey WIWWM,

I too have to change my name! It used to be Nolove4me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:10am
Dear Nothingswrongwithyou (-:

What a powerful post - and yes yes yes. Everything you said. It's exactly how it is, how it goes, and how it feels.

The AWFUL cold-hard truth of the people we became with those people that were -- well, icky dickies.

And I don't wanna be, nor be near it - again!

I am struggling with depression too - or what I sure imagine it to feel like. I am LOOOONG past the urge to see him, to talk with him, and there is not ONE memory of us together that I look back on and think of in a positive way. NOT ONE. Not when I think about how much lying went into making those situations happen. Not when I think of how many people were hurt. Oh no. Nothing good left, and a whole lot of regret weighing me down. When I think about it all - I feel imobalized.

So, I remind myself that I am making better choices today, and that keeping myself stuck with negative self-talk isn't good for the mother of my children - ME. It isn't good for ME. It's okay to allow myself to get better, to feel happiness and create good things for my life.

It's a daily struggle - but we'll get there together. Okay?

Much Love.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:14am

I'll take the noogie.

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