Confessions of a Happiness-Carrier
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| Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:37am |
In it's entirety, now sans ivillage login name, something sent to me from someone's Happiness-Carrier.
"You don't know me, and I don't have much business on this board. I'm not here to make comments on anyone, because I don't live your lives or walk in your shoes. I do know a little bit about this subject. Was almost an OG once, grew up around EMAs as they scar my family history. Have seen what they do, the harm they cause, and the artificial highs they induce convincing you it's 'luurve'.
Have seen why some people do them, and some of the circumstances that might make them understandable also.
But I'm posting here to endorse something you wrote that wants etching in stone. OMG Posie, you've really hit the bullseye with one thing you wrote that is so damn true it's incredible. You might want to slam it on a round robin and mail it to most users here.
<>>
Attagirl, Posie. One little thing you forgot to mention though. Just because you're so meticulous in covering everything else...
The absolutely smothering, throttling effect all this has on the happiness carrier, and the way it typically accumulates like an avalanche until both people are thundering downhill in its wake. The way that first someone is phoning every day, then visiting every day, then moving themselves in... And - get this - the HC feels imprisoned because he feels in a straightjacket. If he says 'No' to you, disagrees or does not do or ay the things that you want, he can see that look on your face that means inside you are shattering like crystal glass. (He also knows a torrent of tears and vituperations will most likely be on the way)
It's an awful feeling, being mortally charged with responsibility for another person's happiness. It isn't something you choose to accept, more like something you get up one day and realise you have. It's like me walking down the street past you, carrying a big heavy fragile glass object and suddenly going CATCH! And it's comparable to the old Hollywood movies, where you remove the jewel from the centre of the pyramid, there's a rumble then the walls start closing in.
To begin with you think 'if I text this person they'll be OK', 'If I visit them I'll be OK', then 'IfI let them stay around once or twice it'll be OK. In the end, you literally cannot think the wrong things because they can sense it and start emotionally erupting. And yes, the steaming nresentment I feel is intense. My own little private store of battery acid.
I know this. I've been there. I AM there. And with a good person too, but who is steadily throttling the life out of me. Am not in an EMA. But like my Mother in hers, she feels blooming and sexy, on an intoxicating high, and CANNOT be spoken to or reasoned with in an adult way. Like my father in (all of) his, it all suits her just fine and ther's not intention of reasoning or changing.
Sorry that was long Posie, but it needed saying. Take note girls. And I would share my situationwith ya 'Pops' but I wouldn't want to bore you. Probably tame sounding compared to these ladies' stories.
Yours- Good Wishes"
(iVillage username withheld)
Edited 1/11/2005 8:02 am ET ET by posiepops

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