Decadelost - I am so sorry to hear of your pain (and your post helps to answer my earlier question about whether my xAP feels anything at all since I ended
Welcome. It is good that you have joined our little community (:
I agree with what you have written.
Your perspective is dead on the money, and when push comes to shove very few of the married women on this board had the "courage" to leave their families either for the exact same reasons you listed, but instead engaged in the same fog-driven tap dance to keep the charade going that you did.
Now excuse me while I speak to ALICE ...
SO HELP ME WOMAN IF YOU START TRYING ALL OVER AGAIN TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT YOUR XAP WAS/IS THINKING LUVIN AND I ARE GONNA COME LOOKING FOR YOU!
YOU don't take comfort in thinking just because this poster is in pain that your xAP must be thinking the same as him ...
Alice Alice Alice ... you haven't liked our answers to all your questions but it is coming at you once more IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU WILL NOT find the answers you seek from this xMM or any other that come into this space ...
YOU WILL FIND THEM WITHIN YOU.
YOU will stop the madness when YOU decide.
Alice ... YOU will stop the madness when you decide.
"The board does not tolerate any of this kind of talk very well (esp from me)..but I cannot help it;
WHY doesn't the board tolerate this talk kind of talk Alice?
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
Welcome. With your articulate, well thought out introduction - Im sure You'll blend right into the fold of healing here, at EAS.
You mention that your xap went NC - does that mean though, that YOU"VE committed to NC? And further, have you BLOCKED her from all forms of communication? Email, Phone, etc.
Grieving is expected as most caring human beings do, affair wrapped or not; so let that grief wash over you and through you. You seem to grasp pretty well, the Affair as addiction concept; that's a good REALITY to cling to, as it will move you from romanticizing the toxic relationship YOU have now let go of.
Focus on YOU. YOU YOU YOU YOU and MORE YOU. Your reasons for engaging in the affair. Your own shortcomings and responsibilities, the reasons YOU need to lock that door and never let it creep back open, not even for a moment.
Stay on course, Read everything you can until your eyeballs dry and crackle with pain, then you'll know it's time to read some more.
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
When you say that you feel 'crummy', does that derive from the guilt of stringing someone along for ten years? Deceiving your wife? Or missing the ego strokes?
I like you was a greedy cake eater too, a MW in an A with a MM, I'm just curious to know how you are hurting. Although my AP never gave me any false hopes and neither did I. When it ended, initially I missed him immensely, then i moved on to acknowledge exactly what i did so i felt a lot of gullt towards my H and children, and now i'm in T to pinpoint the why's, i have a lot of work to do, and so will you.
There is a whole process of emotions that you will go through. You are doing the right thing by leaving your XAP alone and moving on with you life. Stay focused and stay with us on this board.
You can't gender generalise, we all entered affairs for different reasons, all instigated by selfish motives no doubt, but different altogether. My XAP has found the ending of the A a lot more challenging than I, but what good does that do to me knowing that bit of information? I hurt, he hurts, our families hurt, we know that now. Like Decade said, the A reached its expiration date and now it's time to move on.
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Decadelost - I am so sorry to hear of your pain (and your post helps to answer my earlier question about whether my xAP feels anything at all since I ended
I agree with what you have written.
Your perspective is dead on the money, and when push comes to shove very few of the married women on this board had the "courage" to leave their families either for the exact same reasons you listed, but instead engaged in the same fog-driven tap dance to keep the charade going that you did.
Now excuse me while I speak to ALICE ...
SO HELP ME WOMAN IF YOU START TRYING ALL OVER AGAIN TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT YOUR XAP WAS/IS THINKING LUVIN AND I ARE GONNA COME LOOKING FOR YOU!
YOU don't take comfort in thinking just because this poster is in pain that your xAP must be thinking the same as him ...
Alice Alice Alice ... you haven't liked our answers to all your questions but it is coming at you once more IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU WILL NOT find the answers you seek from this xMM or any other that come into this space ...
YOU WILL FIND THEM WITHIN YOU.
YOU will stop the madness when YOU decide.
Alice ... YOU will stop the madness when you decide.
"The board does not tolerate any of this kind of talk very well (esp from me)..but I cannot help it;
WHY doesn't the board tolerate this talk kind of talk Alice?
Why?
Decade Lost,
Welcome to EAS.
Decade,
Welcome. With your articulate, well thought out introduction - Im sure You'll blend right into the fold of healing here, at EAS.
You mention that your xap went NC - does that mean though, that YOU"VE committed to NC? And further, have you BLOCKED her from all forms of communication? Email, Phone, etc.
Grieving is expected as most caring human beings do, affair wrapped or not; so let that grief wash over you and through you. You seem to grasp pretty well, the Affair as addiction concept; that's a good REALITY to cling to, as it will move you from romanticizing the toxic relationship YOU have now let go of.
Focus on YOU. YOU YOU YOU YOU and MORE YOU. Your reasons for engaging in the affair. Your own shortcomings and responsibilities, the reasons YOU need to lock that door and never let it creep back open, not even for a moment.
Stay on course, Read everything you can until your eyeballs dry and crackle with pain, then you'll know it's time to read some more.
Hi Decade and welcome to EAS,
When you say that you feel 'crummy', does that derive from the guilt of stringing someone along for ten years? Deceiving your wife? Or missing the ego strokes?
I like you was a greedy cake eater too, a MW in an A with a MM, I'm just curious to know how you are hurting. Although my AP never gave me any false hopes and neither did I. When it ended, initially I missed him immensely, then i moved on to acknowledge exactly what i did so i felt a lot of gullt towards my H and children, and now i'm in T to pinpoint the why's, i have a lot of work to do, and so will you.
There is a whole process of emotions that you will go through. You are doing the right thing by leaving your XAP alone and moving on with you life. Stay focused and stay with us on this board.
V888
Hi Alice
You can't gender generalise, we all entered affairs for different reasons, all instigated by selfish motives no doubt, but different altogether. My XAP has found the ending of the A a lot more challenging than I, but what good does that do to me knowing that bit of information? I hurt, he hurts, our families hurt, we know that now. Like Decade said, the A reached its expiration date and now it's time to move on.
V888
Thank you for posting this.
DL,
I would like to give you a great, big welcome to our community and thank you for coming forward. Much of what you
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