Conflict of interest

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Conflict of interest
5
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 4:21pm

I've done a lot of lurking this past month since my xap went nc and have learned a great deal from reading others' experiences. In a month's time, I've quickly moved through several stages/emotions: denial, anger, embarrassment, shame, acceptance, etc.


I honestly wasn't prepared to end the a but it wasn't my choice and I respect xap's reasoning. About halfway through the a, I had realized there was no future with him and I truly didn't want to tear apart my family. At that point, I decided I would reinvest in my marriage 100%....although I wasn't ready to let go of the "feel goods" that I got from xap.


I DO love my husband, he is a wonderful man and loves me unconditionally. He knows a little about the a (I wasn't truthful about

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 11:14pm

Hi Free :) I saw your post sitting here without a response so i thought i would reply in case no one else has. I rarely get a chance to reply to posts because i read most of them on my phone which wont allow me to reply..sooooooo once in a while i get to share and offer some support. My NC began almost 6 weeks ago after a 3 year A. Its been soooo hard with all the things you listed below. It seems like the rollercoaster emotions are typical during the affair and after it ended! But you are definitely on the right board ..ending is ENDING. The board STRONGLY urges total NC or LC to be considered "ending" ..not thinking about ending...etc. I think we all "thought" about ending throughout the A right? lol....


I hope that you keep moving forward..and congrats on recommiting to your

"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 11:00am
Hi Free,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 12:17pm
Hi, acting--bear w me..I'm on my blackberry...what hurts the most is his going nc without respecting me enough to give me a proper goodbye. Right now I'm hating him for that...if you check with me in an hour, I'm sure I will have moved on to being upset about something else!! I want him to fish...I want to know he's thinking of me and hurting but he's 100 percent nc. It hurts even tho I know its what is best. Pining over my lost "love" and trying to get back into my h has been difficult to say the least...I feel so guilty hanging on to these feelings for xap because my husband would give his life for me...its very hard. Hang in there...I'm here if u need to talk!! Free
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 1:09pm

Free, I missed this one when you originally posted it. I sometimes go days w/o checking here... reading all the pain is a painful reminder of my own "stuff" :) I don't know if you're able, or have considered therapy, but it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. So far I've been going alone (to get through the grief over xAP), but it may evolve into taking H w/ me.


Anyway, as I think I already told you somewhere else: I get the mourning the loss AND trying to plug back into the M. My M was what I would consider stale LONG before the A, and xAP ever came along.


A little history: 19 yr M, 3 kids, and I've been BLESSED beyond words to have been able to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) for many years and by my choice. Married to a wonderful man, but we've grown apart as we got through all the trials and tribulations that come along w/ M, kids, home, finances, etc. I was BORED and xAP started pursuing me... I couldn't believe it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 8:26pm

Hey, HHTB~


I've been with my h for 10 years and my marriage and a are just as you described yours....very similar. No sparks with hubby but security and stability and fireworks with xap. I wasn't feeling loved/wanted/needed/desired by h