Confused? Am I wrong??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Confused? Am I wrong??
2
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 11:20am
Not quite sure what to do...is it wrong to continue contact with OMM while seperated and dating?? The OMM of course did not leave his wife and is trying to work things out but we still stay in contact just talking to update each other on our lives. He knows I am dating and is fine with that. But am I not doing myself good by still talking with him?? I really enjoy his advice and laughs and he is a great great friend that thinks exactly like I do. But starting to fall for this one guy who is great for my kids and has it all but I feel guilty now by keeping this OMM just as a friend. Am I being selfish. I am also afraid to hurt the OMM but then again he is not free to do anything right now. But I know when I tell him about this weekend he will have a hard time with it but then again I can't sit around for something that may or may not come...just really venting and thinking out loud. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 1:30pm
Beginagain,

I think your venting and thinking out loud already has the answer your looking for in it. What I hear you saying is that you know that you shouldn't have contact with the xMM. You are trying to move on and have some happiness in your life, what is this xMM doing for you that gives you that happiness - NOTHING. He is still with his W and working things out, how can he do that and still have contact with you? He is not giving 100% into fixing his M by keeping up a R with you. He is fine with you dating - well that is big of him since he is still with his W. It has been said on this board many many times, friends don't ask you to lie, sneak and then use you.

Sounds like if you gave yourself a chance you might have found someone that is available to you full time, isn't that worth giving this new R a chance? Don't be afraid to hurt this xMM because you may have found some happiness in your life. This xMM has made his choice and that was to work things out with his W. NOW you must think about you and your kids and make the choice that is right for you. IMHO you are not the one being selfish but xMM is. Do something for you and try to go NC with this xMM, maybe even just some time away not talking to him or seeing him will make you realize what is already in front of you and you can move on.

Best wishes and good luck, you can do anything you set your mind to.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 8:08pm
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. God, I have to say to all those out there ending their A, when you open yourself up and by luck find someone that can devote their time 100 percent it's amazing!! To hug in public, hold hands in public, talk on the phone w/o being hung up on because she came up the driveway, to sit on hold while he takes a call...it's odd when you start to realize you really wasn't that special or a priority even though they say "in different circumstances, I would be here for you" It feels reallllllyyyyy realllllyyyy good to have the same butterflies, chills down my back, when the SINGLE, AVAILABLE, MAN touches me...I believed for so long I would only feel that way with OMM!!

We will probably talk tomorrow and I will be open about my feelings toward this guy and he will have to decide. If he is a true friend he will understand and maybe knowing I am not sitting here crying over him and waiting for his call will push him to really work on his marriage. I truly do believe that is the best for us both to find happiness elsewhere but always have our memories and our bond!!!

To all the women struggling out there...hang on tight wait for Mr. Right...he is out there sometimes like an angel you weren't expecting...WE deserve it!!!