Confused and Desperate
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Confused and Desperate
| Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:22am |
I ended my A with XMM a little over two weeks ago and NC.
| Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:22am |
I ended my A with XMM a little over two weeks ago and NC.
But
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Lun -
I echo everything TU said. Don't doubt or second guess yourself. If this man truly wanted a real, honest relationship, he would leave his W completely. End of story. Love isn't based on ultimatums. You are on the right track - stay there. :)
Bodhi
Lun,
If you were to break this down into separate components, would it be easier to figure out? From where I'm sitting, xAP is no prize. You wouldn't want a guy like that even if you were single! He was only marginally working for you as a AP, for crying out loud. He's certainly not someone I could imagine you'd want to have a RL R with, and - oh,mygosh - you would want this dude to be your kid's stepfather? yah, no. So, write off all this debate as a result of your fogged up frame of mind and listen to your gut -- which is obviously telling you that X needs a swift kick to the curb, no matter what. There is no reason or benefit in listening to his BS about how you were during the A; that time is over and what he thinks/says doesn't matter anymore.
Now, re: your H and your M. Give yourself plenty of time, free of the confusion of the A and the X, to consider your options. Whether you decide to stay married or divorce, you know that you will need to devote 100% of your attention and energy towards making the best decision for your family and whatever path you choose will take a lot of work. No more half in/half out as you've been for the entire time of your A.
The longer you are total NC, the less you'll hear the toxic influence of your X in your head. You and your family deserve the best possible chance at happiness so please don't do anything to jeopardize that.
Wishing you the best,
Dee
xAP had me convinced for a long time that I was crazy....when he was the crazy one.
I am not sure if your XAP was sober through attendance at AA or not?