Confused and Desperate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Confused and Desperate
8
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:22am

I ended my A with XMM a little over two weeks ago and NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:45am

But

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:50am
Thank you so so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:52am

Lun -

I echo everything TU said. Don't doubt or second guess yourself. If this man truly wanted a real, honest relationship, he would leave his W completely. End of story. Love isn't based on ultimatums. You are on the right track - stay there. :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:58am

Lun,
If you were to break this down into separate components, would it be easier to figure out? From where I'm sitting, xAP is no prize. You wouldn't want a guy like that even if you were single! He was only marginally working for you as a AP, for crying out loud. He's certainly not someone I could imagine you'd want to have a RL R with, and - oh,mygosh - you would want this dude to be your kid's stepfather? yah, no. So, write off all this debate as a result of your fogged up frame of mind and listen to your gut -- which is obviously telling you that X needs a swift kick to the curb, no matter what. There is no reason or benefit in listening to his BS about how you were during the A; that time is over and what he thinks/says doesn't matter anymore.

Now, re: your H and your M. Give yourself plenty of time, free of the confusion of the A and the X, to consider your options. Whether you decide to stay married or divorce, you know that you will need to devote 100% of your attention and energy towards making the best decision for your family and whatever path you choose will take a lot of work. No more half in/half out as you've been for the entire time of your A.

The longer you are total NC, the less you'll hear the toxic influence of your X in your head. You and your family deserve the best possible chance at happiness so please don't do anything to jeopardize that.

Wishing you the best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:12pm

xAP had me convinced for a long time that I was crazy....when he was the crazy one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 1:43pm
Thank you Pinky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 1:59pm

I am not sure if your XAP was sober through attendance at AA or not?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 2:42pm
When