Confused as to motivation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Confused as to motivation
1
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 2:04pm


A couple I know have been having an intermittent affair for over 10 years. She has broken the affair off twice, once after three years for a couple of years and again after a year and left the country with her husband. Five years later she has returned with husband, kids and severe marital difficulties (marriage unlikely to last one way or another but they have decided to try and stay together for the sake of the kids)

Her lover called her as soon as he knew she was back in the country and they have started seeing each other again. They have always accepted the limitations of their affair and never put pressure on each other, even now.
But she has become confused, he has always told her he loves her and that she was the love of his life. She always used to try and disbelieve him for the sake of her sanity but now finds she does believe him because he wanted her back yet again. Also for the first time ever he has started talking about the future, his wife is seriously ill and may not survive for long.

What can I say to her?

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 7:35pm
It isn't up to you to say anything to her. This is her boat and she has to steer it. I don't understand what you are confused about. These are two people who are apparantly in love and want to be together. Her marriage is a pile of crap at the present moment so now she has a backup plan. Jumping from one marriage to another is common and usually winds up in crap. But like I said before this isn't something you can help her with. Just listen and be supportive but the end decision is hers.

Jazzdiva