Confused - NEED HELP!!!
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| Tue, 01-13-2004 - 9:26pm |
I really need your comments or suggestions, I am confused and don’t know how to handle the situation I’m presently into.I’m 33, married with 1 kid and having an A with also a married man, 37 with 2 kids.The very first time I saw him, and that was 3 years ago, I already got physically attracted to him. He tried to make a move but I never entertained him coz I was afraid of what might happen. Until my family had to move to another city and we never saw each other again. Now, 2 months ago, we bumped with each other again, I cant believe myself, I cant believe why after 3 years, I still am physically attracted to him, he asked for my mobile number which I immediately gave and he started sending me text messages. I finally replied! I don’t know what had gotten into me, but suddenly I’m not afraid anymore, I just like the guy, and was so flattered that after 3 years, even though I don’t look that attractive anymore,HE STILL LIKES ME!!!
AND SO THE A STARTED, but we never went out, we just send each other sweet messages, almost everyday, I was asking him if we can eat out for lunch or just spend some time with each other so we would be able to know each other well, but all he has to say is “it’s too dangerous, we are both married, and what if somebody sees us?” And as the days pass by, his sweet messages suddenly turns into “SEX” MESSAGES. Like, I want to kiss every part of your body, I want to touch you all over, I want to make love to you and so on… The only place that he kept on suggesting that we go is in a hotel, he said it : “so that I can make love to you, so that I can touch every part of your body!” I started to feel that all he wants from me is SEX!!! I confronted him about this, and his explanation was acceptable, so I thought so, he said he just wanted to show me how much he loves me, he never talks about sex to other girls except with his wife, and if the “sex” messages irritates me then he’d never do that again. But nothing really changed, he still kept on insisting that we go in a hotel, he still send me “sex” messages. And there were a couple of times when after talking dirty to me through text messages, he would suddenly arrange a meeting, he’d park his car somewhere “safe” and he would never stop kissing me so passionately and acted as if he wanted so much to make love to me. Although I never hesitated to his kiss, because I admit that I really liked it, it really felt so good and the idea of him wanting very badly to make love to me makes me feel like in heaven. Imagine, I’ve gone quite fat, I don’t look that attractive anymore and my tummy’s are already bulging, and here he is begging for me to make love to him! Anyway, what irritates me the most is, after kissing me, after lets say he has already done what he came for, he would immediately want me to get out of the car and leave! No sweet talk, no I love u, nothing at all, just leave the car! I don’t feel any love on his part, just lust! Got it?
NOW COMES THE TRICKY PART!!! I finally went out with him in a hotel, he was so passionate, he has already done all his “sex” messages to me, both naked, we were just about to do it, when suddenly he backed off!!!! GOSH!!! He backed off!!! He said “I’m so sorry, I thought I can do it, but I just can’t. I love you, I wanted so much to make love to you, but I feel so guilty, guilty to your H and your kid, guilty to my W and 2 kids”. He kept on hugging me, and whispering that he loves me so much. For the very first time, I really felt that he loves me!… You see, we both have no problems with our respective marriages, this is my first A, this is also his first A. We both don’t know why we are doing this… And so… nothing happened, except from him kissing me all over, I mean ALL OVER!!!
NOW HEAR THIS! After that incident, he seldom send me text messages anymore. He would just text me only after I send him one. He said he was just quite busy with his work. Although he still send me love messages once in awhile, he would just continue texting me and would never stop only if the topic was about SEX! I asked him if we can eat out for lunch but his answer was just like before, too dangerous! But 2 days ago when I told him that I also wanted to kiss him all over he immediately met with me at the parking area, and wanted me to kiss him all over. He pleaded for me to BJ him… and I obliged. Know what the worst part is? After he came, he immediately sent me away, “go leave the car now, somebody might see us”… No I love you, no I miss you, not even a sweet kiss… I felt so bad!!! I felt like a bitch, a prostitute!!! He texted me after an hour and said that he was sorry but he had some errands to do that day that’s why we had to part ways so quickly. I told him you just met with me so I can BJ you, and after that, you just sent me away, you did not ask me to leave, YOU SENT ME AWAY!!! He said that I was wrong with what I think, he is just being cautious coz somebody might see us.
2 days had passed since then, he sent me 1 message asking how I was, but I never answered him back. I MISS HIM SO MUCH!! But I don’t know if its right to still continue this A. I don’t know if he really loves me, I don’t know if he’s just playing games with me, I really don’t know what to do.
HAZEL

Iknowitstime
(and so do you)
I almost had an O reading your post. ha ha... that's steamy. well seriously, aside from the BJ episode.. I was really liking this guy because of his self control and what he said about not hurting your families and all. I do think that shows sincere love and respect for both of you.
About the BJ thing... I think most men have this idea.. that a BJ is a less serious offense (forgiveable.) Then actual SEX.
To me your man is very conflicted about what he feels and that is why he is hot, cold, hot, cold.
I have no doubt that he wants to sleep with you... he just hasn't figured out a way to rationalize or compartmentalize-how doing so will be OK.
I know if you keep up what your doing you two will hit the sack eventually. But, I don't think this is a good idea.
I think that you should be happy that he finds you so irrestistable and wonderful... and then MOVE ON>>>> this is a recipe for disaster if you keep playing this way.
I know the text messages are a rush... can't you play the sexy text message game with your hubby?
Just be reassured that ending things now is the RIGHT thing... I wish you much strength...
Katja
Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your last
I am trying my very best to forget the guy and just go on with my life.
But the thought of him USING ME makes it harder for me to let go. I don't know, I just don't get it. Why of all people would he choose me to feed all his sexual fantasies? As I've said, I am not that beautiful, I am married, and I dont have the "curves" anymore. He can easily get someone much younger, sexy and very much single. WHY ME? What the hell is wrong with me? I did not flirt with him the first time we met, and on the 2nd time I was just minding my damn business...
I just dont get it.
Iknowitstime
(and so do you)