Confused over Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Confused over Affair
2
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:15pm
I have been in a sexual relationship for 8 months with a coworker and we are both married. Last week OM told me that is was better if we stopped the relationship. I agree but during the 8 months the relationship has become more than just sexual for me. From the beginning we both agreed that the relationship was to be sexual only. Th OM says he loves his wife and feels bad after each of our encounters. We both have been married for 7-8 years. The encounters have only taken place at our work place. I have never engaged in such behavior, sex at work or infidelity. I had a void in my marriage and this OM filled that void.

Now I am in a real mess. I enjoyed the encounters with the OM and do have feelings for the OM. I know affairs are just that...affairs but can some one explain that in more depth. Was I just an ego trip for the OM? Was the sexual encounters worth possibly the OM losing his W, that he says he loves? Was it just sex for him? It started that way for me but turned into emotions. Know I have to work everyday with the OM and it is difficult to see him. I want the OM sexually and emotionaly.

Now I realy feel a void in my life. Will this ever go away? I realy do care about this man and fear to tell him that the relationship turned into more than just sex for me. Then there is my h who I am betraying/hurting. Help...I am so confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:45pm
I am in a similar situation as my MM is here at work. We have decided to end the sexual side but it is so hard to see him and even harder not to. It is affecting my ability to focus on work and clearly it is every bit as emotional for me as sexual. It helps so much to read through old postings here on this board. I've found alot of encouragement and strength here.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone...my goal for today is NC at least until Monday. Just trying to take it one day at a time.

Good luck !!

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:14pm
You dont sound confused to me at all. You knew what the deal was when you started sleeping with this man. It was to be sex only. You didn't care that he was married or that he felt bad afterwards. You were married too and it was convenient for both of you. The fact that you started caring for him and it was more then sex does you no good because he does'nt want to continue the relationship anymore. There really isn't anything to figure out, it is done.

So now you should stop worrying about XMM and start worrying about you and this void that you describe. Figure out what made you stray to begin with. Was it boredom? Low self esteem? Lack of sexual satisfaction? Try and focus on you. Maybe then you can heal. In the end of your post you mention your husband. How sad that he is just a side note in all this and you think about him last. It is like you are saying "oh yeah, I'm married by the way".....Is your husband important to you? Then try and work things out with him so that this doesn't happen again in the future.

Jazzdiva