Confused/frustrated again.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Confused/frustrated again.....
7
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:09pm

I am back on the fence. WTH. I was doing so well. He emailed me on Wednesday (on day 5 of NC). Instead of deleting it, I read it and read it again. I waited several hours but ended up replying. That started the emails back and forth. He comes back tomorrow night and plans on calling me. I know I will answer his call because I miss him so very much. I don't know what it's going to take to end this cycle of self-defeating behavior. I am so confused.

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:34pm

I am probably the worst one to give advice. If I was a stronger person I'd say if you really want this cycle to end then dont take the call. Shut your phone off. Do whatever it takes. But i wouldn't be able to do that. I'd take (and did) the call.

Do you want this to be over? i think acceptance is key. Accepting it is over and really meanign that vs. knowing it should be over but now sure you want it over. I too go back and forth. I do knwo that talkign to him will make your strive to be free of him harder.

Good luck..let me know what happens

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:20pm
This just recently happened to me. I went one month of not seeing him and three weeks of no contact. During a blizzard drove to see him so I could get snowed in with him. I am not good to give advice either. All I could say, as much as you want to get over this, don't be so hard on yourself. We all have broken NC. Try to be strong and maybe not see him. I think seeing him is worse than talking on the phone. All it did for me was have me come home in a depression that I am slowly getting out of. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:01pm

SS

You may want to start by taking steps to close the lines of communications, every man know that the way to a womans heart and panties is through her ears (read eyes for e-mail).

BLOCK his mails delete his address(s) close accounts he knows about, have your phone company block calls from all known phone numbers he uses and block UNKNOWN NUMBERS.

Do what it takes to make it hard for him to get hold of you.

If I understand your husband will be home soon from were ever he is (Iraq ?), most husbands are not stupid it's just a matter of time tell he catchs on that something is wrong, deal with XOM before he ends your marriage.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 11:31pm

Free-

Yes...husband will be home real soon. I spoke with my T on Thursday and I was just rambling. I told her it's like I say with my mouth...I don't want husband to find out...don't want to lose family...but yet haven't ended the A. DH has already asked me if something was going on way back in November. He could sense it from miles and miles away. I don't know if it is because we hit 7 years of marriage, if it's the fact I was married with child at 21, if it's the back to back separations (due to career), if it's because I am not in love anymore! Freak, I just don't know and everything I do know...I doubt. I don't want to be grieving for MM at the same time welcoming my DH home. What a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 4:17am

SS

WHAT DOES\DO YOUR CHILD\CHILDREN NEED FROM THERE MOTHER TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY OVER THE COURSE OF THERE LIFE...DO THAT...IS ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT THEN THAT ??

I assume your pushing toward 30 say 28 or so, it is more common then many seem to know for women approaching or hiting the end of there twenties to go through a period of crissis, normally that does not cause a huge problem unless there is a preditory male around with no scruples willing to take advantage of it.

Until you the trully exit the affair DO NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS, you need to spend quality and quantity time with your husband as a couple and as a family with out the dirtbag being around for a few months before your going to be able to see clearly were your head\heart is really at.

SS I don't know if you love your husband but I do know you love your CHILDREN, so what are you prepared to do to protect them from XMM and the pain he is going to bring into there lives to satisfy his lust for your body...don't kid yourself he does not care one little bit if he hurts them if he did he would never have involved himself with there MOTHER.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 4:18pm

Sunshine, I have a something which you should read. Actuallly stole it from another board, but when I read it, I thought "this is good".

THE WOMAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you Queen for a day
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that gal has to say.

For it isn’t your partner or family or friend
Whose judgment upon you must pass;
The gal whose verdict counts most in the end
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you a real honest friend
And call you a person of place
But the gal in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look her straight in the face.

She’s the gal to please, never mind all the rest
For she’s with you clear up to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the gal in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the gal in the glass.

Author Unknown

Hope this helps you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:04pm

Jacks-

Thanks for your input. I hope I can overcome this. I know I am capable if I put my mind to it. It'll come to an end sooner or later.

SS