Confusing emotions, is this a step in the no contact process?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Confusing emotions, is this a step in the no contact process?
10
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 1:23am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Hi Jen,

I can't answer what's an official step about no contact ....Im new like you...

re: your looking at couples and analyzing - It sounds to me like - just the grieving process. A couple makes you think of what you just had / didn't have / don't want etc.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi Michelle,

I liked the explanation about being shipwrecked as well as your thoughts on nc and that at one point it will not be all we think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2010

Hi jen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

For me, I have had to learn the hard way, that the most important relationship in my life is ME. ME is who I will spend the rest of my life with. That's the only person I am guarenteed to spend every waking hour with - ME. Finding out who I am, what I want, what can I expect, and what I would never compromise again on. This time to myself OUT of a relationship for the first time literally since grade 2, I believe will save my life. I think most women go from trying to please/replace father figures, to boyfriends, to husbands without finding out who they really are, and what they want from life.

When we have an affair (and especially if there is a DDay) we are all the more likely to feel unable/undeserving of figuring out ourselves because we are all wrapped up in trying to solve the hurt we have caused prior to healing the hurts that caused us to go down the affair path to begin with. Again, trying to meet our own needs through appeasing the needs of someone else.

All this to say, any and all feelings are part of the process - they can seem irrational at times, but hey, there was nothing rational about having an affair. When they end we feel confused and disoriented because things bother us now that never seemed to before (like other people's happy relationships).

Remembering to direct our attention inward and forward is the only way to assure our lives will have meaning again. Also looking outward to find the greatest blessings in the things we took/take for granted. Fresh air, peace, food, housing ... other options and choices that people are dying trying to achieve. This is always my reality check.

My best,

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi freernow,

I am sorry for the long delay in responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

**ding!**

Thanks for the idea of posting the responses you get in a Journal, Jen!

I shall be stealing that! :)

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi renewal4me,

I have a friend who talks to me about her relationship (he either is married

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Hi Michelle, I am finding it very helpful - steal way :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi transcended.us,

Being a people pleaser would definitely describe me, recently in my family we had a disagreement over an event, it was said to me