Considering texting him to apologize

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Considering texting him to apologize
14
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 3:58pm

This is an update to my "new introduction" post. I'm really struggling with not texting him. I feel like if i text him and apologize for my part in the argument/breakup, that even if he doesnt respond I'd have some closure, like Id feel like id tried. I'm just soo confused and hurting.

"Thinking"..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:42pm
Tried to what?
Formerly heartacheafter7years
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:53pm
Oh, Thinking,
I hear the hurt in your post. You want closure. All of us did at the beginning of the end. Some of us even went so far as to meet up "that one last time" (dangerous with a capital "D"), some of us emailed that last "farewell" to our "love", and some of us texted that same agonizing "farewell"...you, on the other hand, came here and posted your thoughts about what you were "thinking"...GREAT JOB. This is what EAS is here for. Come here when you get urges. You will hear, from me and most likely others as well, that A's don't end well with anything resembling "closure". When you text that last time, especially with an apology (?), you are saying to him, "I am OPEN". Ironic, isn't it? Ending an A means WALK away. NO last apologies, no "farewells", no "I'll miss you's"...silence protects us from the further hurt that we will experience by telling him "I am OPEN." yes, it is hard. It takes work. And commitment. But, Thinking, you know what? I know you can do this. This is the beginning of a new normal for you. Not caving in and not taking blame for whatever xap has blamed you for. Just STOP. Then "think"...then sit on your phone, hide it, just walk away from it, post here how ever many times you need. Read in the HL. Try the "48-hour" rule...these urges you are having will fade. They are strong now, but YOU can be stronger if you CHOOSE to be. Please take care of yourself and your future sense of self-worth and dignity, my friend. Take it back. And whatever you do, don't give it to xap. Not even if you feel badly for whatever happened. It is OVER. DONE.

((((((HUGS))))))

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 5:22pm

tried.. tried to at least keep the friendship? I don't know. Maybe if I apologized for getting upset with him, for making him decide to not want to see or talk to me again after daily for 3 years. Besides the other..he was my best friend. Maybe I stressed him out with my home drama or illness mess. I kinda wish that he'd never contacted me those years ago, if it was just going to end like this.

Thinking..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 5:29pm
He was not your best friend. He was your co-conspirator. Friends do not hurt one another. And so what if you stressed him out. I will post more later, but no...text, no apology, nothing. If he was your friend, this is one friend that needs to go. Sorry if I am not cuddly, but your posts tell me you need a firm hand here. You deserve better, we all know that, now you have to believe that. Come on Thinking...no matter how it ended, you would still feel the same way. You would want to reach out cuz the finality of it all hurts...but if you do reach out to him, you are only setting yourself up for more pain. Come on now, hang tough...let it go. No closure in affairs. None. You are the only person who could give yourself closure...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 5:37pm

Lulu bumped up a post of why there is never closure.

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 5:44pm
Thinking, try to pick sure step by step what will really happen if you make contact. You will experience a brief moment of relief that you will tag as closure but all you will really get is more heartache. One of our vets (I think it is Dee) said something that lways resonated with me and pulled me back in during tempting moments..."affairs end because they are wrong. It doesn't matter who ends it or how. They should just end." You will only find closure when you stand behind the barrier of NC, and begin to take care of yourself. You will never find closure anywhere else but inside of you. Wishing you strength, GH
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 5:44pm
"picture" not pick sure. Auto fill!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 8:58pm

Thank you all, I didn't contact him, but boy was it close.

Angie, what you said about keeping my dignity by not begging him for forgiveness for voicing my feelings really made me think. That would have been exactly it. In his mind I made an issue out of something that he felt he was right in doing, that I shouldn't have been hurt or thought anything of it. But I did. So, if I'd had texted him to say sorry for my part of the argument, I would have been apologizing for my feelings.

Thank you

thinking..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 9:45pm
What has always kept me from doing it is rejection, the whole what if I send him something and its ignored or worse he tells me how much better life is now that I'm give, whenever you want to contact him think about how u will feel to be further rejected.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 9:46pm
Gone not give dang phone

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