continue or stop

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
continue or stop
11
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:29am
I am new to this board but have posted on "my affair support" board in the past. I had an affair with an ex co worker and have tried ending it twice only to return to her. I feel like an alcoholic that knows he shouldn't drink but does it anyway because it makes me feel good initially. There are several issues preventing me from reconciling with my w. 1)I don't love her the way I love the girlfriend. 2) I don't feel like I can be faithful 3) girlfriend is beautiful and has so many other loving qualities. 4)I will be working with the girlfriend again. 5)my heart breaks when I think of life without her. Reasons I have tried to end it. 1) this is not her first affair and I worry I will be the next victim. She assures me I won't be because she doesn't want to go through this again and she loves me. She claims she didn't love her husband. They married because she was pregnant. 2)I have kids with w. 3) Girlfriend has ex husband that keeps trying to get in back in her life and she has 2 kids with him. 4)I have a nice, financially stable life with w and enjoy being with my kids 100% of the time vs. 50%.

I know I would not have wanted a divorce if I didn't have an affair and met this girl. I would have continued on in my boring, loveless, sexless marriage. The marriage offers other comforts such as financial security, being with my kids and a committed wife. NOw that I have been with the girlfriend I realize all the love and passion my marriage was lacking. MY wife and I got married right out of college. We were highschool sweethearts. SOme part of me beleives we got married becauses it seemed like the right thing to do not becasue we were in love. I feel our relationship is more like a brother /sister relationship. I worry because of the way the relationship started with the girlfriend and all the other complicating factors that it won't work out and I will have no one. I feel like it is just impossible to stop talking and seeing her and I'm not sure I want to. If I work with her again there is no way I can end it. My wife siad she will seek a divorce if I decide to work with her again. Financially I don't have many options so I may be forced to. I have read other posts. I know people know the pain and anxiety I am feeling as I contemplate cutting things off for good with the girlfriend. advice?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: bear2092
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 3:48pm

For everyone's sake, please make a decision and stick with it.

Love

Pages