continuing to fight urges

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
continuing to fight urges
5
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:00am

I wrote last week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 10:30am

Hang in there lady. It's a tough road. It is an addiction, just like any other. It will get better. I was treated horribly. I let it all happen. I let myself get dogged out so bad. It was never love for me. Not even close for him. He never really cared. He bragged about me to friends. I was his show piece. We are not anymore. We r investing in us now. I know the pain stings, but just hold on. It really will get better in time.

Take care of u.

Luvin

Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:01pm
Hi Tihg. I could have wrote that 4 years ago. The hurt and pain won't end over night but it does in time. Glad you wrote here to vent instead of breaking any sort of contact;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:38pm

Dear tihg,

I just wanted to send you a ((hug)) and to remind you to not go at it alone. Please post when and what you need to - get it all out here and we can help. It is terrifying; those early days where you are literally fighting the urges every moment of every hour of every day. I can promise you, if you stick to NC, those urges will ease up and when they do come, they will be less severe and last for a shorter period of time. You will grow in confidence each and every time you fight an urge. You will learn that they are just difficult feelings, but that you don't need to act on them. You can acknowledge them, and then let them go. You gotta keep busy - this is the exhaustion that we all talk about those first few weeks. We just run ourselves tired just trying to stay away from silence and boredom - so we keep busy, but that gets so darn tiring. But as time passes, you can slow the pace down a bit, and your anxiety will lesson, and you'll be able to start taking those urges and identifying where they are coming from, what is it that you are seeking from contact: reassurance, love, false hope, validation? Why are you seeking them from the person who helped get you where you are today? You slow down and then you get to work figuring out the answers to the hard question of why you went down the A road to begin with. The first few weeks, sometimes longer, is just about surviving the crisis mode of ending ... once the crisis settles a bit, you are able to feel less victimized by your A choices, and empowered by your ending choices.

Still to NC, and you'll see (-:

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 6:48pm

Thank you all.


I am fighting this tooth and nail, but making it as long as I did in NC awhile back, which was some 200 plus days,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2009
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 12:24am
Good reminder about the definition of insanity. I'm 2 years PEA and at this point I go days without thinking about AP. It comes and goes sometimes but I almost always recognize right away that I'm stressed or unhappy about something and that triggers my thoughts toward fantasy. Man it is tough, but stick to your guns. It will get better. One step at a time.