coping with the "Special" issue
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coping with the "Special" issue
| Mon, 11-08-2010 - 9:55am |
Alwayst thread to WWWM got me thinking about how difficult it is for us to come to grips with the 'being special' thing.
I don't think we all fit in the same place on the Special spectrum.

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I realized very quickly in the affair I was not special to him, I was one of a few. The realization for me is I fed of this, that I was nothing special to anyone and I kept feeding into this for 5 long years. I am special to my Family they are the only ones opinion of me (and my own) that matter. I learn so much here, when I read your post I could feel a clenching in my gut with the cold realization of what I did to myself!
Yes!
So much for getting away with only random thoughts today :)
The truth is, there is nothing special about either A partner even though we want to believe with all our heart that there is. In my case, I don't think that "if it hadn't been me/him it would have been someone else" applies. Does that make me special? Hell no. I wasn't special to him, I was just willing to turn the other cheek hundreds of times to unacceptable behavior. Did I feel special? At first, yes - I was fooled into thinking I was special. But after awhile I realized that stolen moments in cars and on floors did not make me special. Phone calls during the day, but not after 6 p.m. when he got home did not make me special. The fact that he shared all he did with me but never left his W didn't make me special, it made him selfish. It made me "the other woman" and there is nothing special about being a woman who does what I did with another woman's husband.
What makes me special now? As Dee said, presenting my TRUE self to the people that deserve me - like the guy in dreads at Starbucks that made my perfect mocha this morning - that made me feel special.
Bodhi
What makes ME special?
Dee what a great post!
That "needing to beleive we were special" thing....I agree with what every single poster has said.
The "special" thing (in the A situation) is a direct line to our egos and those damn egos are sreamin'!
Stealing a MM is like shooting fish in a barrel......Not too special.
A DEAD fish in a barrel.
I sure wanted to be special. I wanted to be special enough to XMM that he would leave his wife for me. I wanted to win him like some prize at the fair. How twisted.
After spending the 1st 6months of the A feeling special, I spent the last 12mths of it feeling like a lost, hungry little puppy following him around waiting for his attention. I saw the change in him..the infrequednt texts, emails...when things became "real" they also became labor intensive and just too much work. I felt cast aside and no longer the priority that I once was. I went NC as soon as I got the balls to back up the words.
That was almost 6mths ago. Now, Im a better mother, trying to be a better wife...I find that eventhough I am a strong willed Type A person, I am emotionally needy. I need the validation of being someones priority. IDK why, I wish I could just take a pill and not need that since it really is the core of what led me to the A.
Regardless, Ive learned so much. Thanks for letting me vent. Great post Dee.
Miss all of you!!!
GMLB
Ya...that's when the s$#t hit the fan in my A...when RL collided with A.
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