A cosmic slap upside the head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
A cosmic slap upside the head?
5
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 3:40pm

Ok, so I've been a bit of a post-machine today, and yes the weekends are quiet...but, I wanted to share a (rather intense) moment that I just had.

I just got back from running a few errands, and as I was waiting to cross a busy intersection I wait for the little 'walking person' and I step off the curb....woosh! Some jerk decided to make a really tight and last moment left hand turn before the oncoming traffic got 'to them'. This meant that they cut right in front of where I was walking. As the car passed beside and around me, there was about three inches between me and the car, maybe less. Had I walked out a second sooner, it would have hit me head on. After I caught my breath and stood in the middle of the road thinking 'wth?!' I got my ass over to the other side and paused a moment. What was I thinking of previously? Not surprisingly xMM. I was in a bit of a mopey mood and dwelling when I shouldn't be. That really shook me up in the sense that - while I was not hurt, that was a close call and I missed being seriously hurt or killed by mere moments. Had I been killed, my last thoughts would have been on someone who doesn't deserve them. Did this catapult me into indifference? Hardly! I know of the slog I have in front of me, I will still miss him, I will still hurt - but what this really brought to light in a rather intense way was - life is too short (and could have got a whole lot shorter!) to spend wasting away over something and someone that hurts, that sucked too much (much too much!) out of me and I got so little back. As one of the accumulated re-posts in the 'wisdom and insights' thread says 'you are needed elsewhere on this planet', and that got really close to being taken away.
I'm not trying to be overly dramatic or anything, but it was an intense moment, it was a 'close call', and it did put a lot of things into a different perspective. Though, I'm not really sure if I should tell that driver 'thanks!' or 'FU!' ;)

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 5:04pm

Hey, wc~


That's a great-although frightening/scary/yikes-way to look at it....the fact that the very last thoughts you have could be of someone undeserving or of a situation that causes you intense pain. Of course you wouldn't want your last moments on earth to be consumed by that.


I think it's really healthy to use whatever means possible to help you through

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 11:43pm

Hey Free (and not so) confused ;)

You're right, that's what I was thinking of at the base of it all - life is too short for negativity. I know that I can have the tendency to dwell and think too much, and I still get caught up in the 'what if it really was meant to be?!' that I know I shouldn't be caught up in, and that moment just really 'showed' that there are other things (more important and positive things) to be 'caught up' in, other things to think about. It doesn't make me miss him less...but, it has helped in shift my thinking/feeling/energy towards myself and my healing.
And, thank you for your kind words. I'm not quite a week of NC yet...and I know I've got quite the slog ahead of me. So, I need all the help I can get - and whoooboy is this place good for it. I don't know what I'd do otherwise!
(As a random side note, I went and saw a local theater group do a play of 'Pride and Prejudice' with some girlfriends of mine, and it was really well done in general. I had fun and 'enjoyed the moment'...and, it really is a rather romantic story...and I didn't get bogged down in it thinking of xMM, wishing he were 'my Mr. Darcy'. I was quite proud of that, because usually when I see something 'romantic', that is where my thoughts would go. Did a few thoughts flicker across my mind? Of course. Did I feel crushed and thereby ruin the whole play/experience? No. And I'm happy with that/think that's progress).

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 2:54am

Wow what a close call! And what a jerk (the driver). Glad you're not hurt and that you're safe! =)

I totally understand your train of thought because when I would have something happen to me my first thoughts are on xAP. I know they shouldn't be but they are. :/

Like when I got pulled over my the cops and had to go to driving school... I thought, "I wish i could tell xap" or when my eye hurt and I thought i needed to go to the ER, my thoughts were on xap and how I wish he was there to comfort me... or what if something happened to him or I, we wouldn't know.

Yes, I'm going over board... Lol but these thoughts are normal in the beginning is what 'i'm trying' to say unsuccessfully. When someone is a part of our life, we tend to thnk of them, but as time goes by and the more time separates 'us', the less we think of them to be part of our lives. They become a distant past.

Now, next time, make sure you look both ways before crossing and pause a second in case some other crazy swirls around the corner...we don't want another scare! ;)

2010 Pictures, Images and Photos


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 8:54am

(((wcfem))

Thank God you are all right. That was just too close of a scare. One of the biggest challenges I had too, was getting Xmm out of my head. He was just renting too much space up there, but working with him made it so much more difficult. :(

<>

Ironically, I watched this movie last night on cable. I've seen it before but had forgotten much of it. In the end I did have a little cry, but surprisingly, my thoughts and tears were over an Ex-BF that I loved many years ago. He was the one that I let get away. Xmm didn't even enter my mind. ;-)

Hang in there, honey. I enjoy reading your posts even if I do not respond to them.

Love and hugs,

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 2:37pm
You know, I did look both ways! I even paused a moment after the lil walky person showed up (it's a busy intersection, and so I always pause and wait for the on-coming traffic to move forward since it 'protects me' from any jerks who are thinking of making a last min left hand turn. What happened was jerk-face made an extra-quick LH turn to 'beat' the oncoming traffic...which meant that they cut hard into the far lane (3 lanes on this road) which is right where I was! Anyway, will wait even longer next time! I suppose the driver figured that I was a much softer target than the other cars. Yeesh!) Soooo...after that aside...
Thank you to you both (you too Iddy!). It was quite the scare. You're right though, when someone is in our lives ...well, it's hard to just shut that/them out. I guess our minds don't have a 'block' feature ;) I know with time that it will ease, I've had important people (ex's) that have come and gone, and time can pass and I don't think of them nearly at all. I know 'rationally' that it will take time, and with work (such as consciously re-directing thoughts and focusing on other things) that the same will happen here as well. I suppose because I'm in the throes of 'mind vs. heart' and all the mixed-up emotions I worry 'will I always miss him/think of him this much?! when will it end?!'. I know it will though...just hard to see sometimes.
Still, thank you everyone (as always!).
Iddy - which version did you watch? I dig the A&E one best (...because of Colin Firth, perhaps? :p). It's nice to hear that we (all) will get to a point where xAP won't be the person to jump into our thoughts during such moments.
----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry