could it get any worst?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
could it get any worst?!?
14
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 6:31pm
Hello everyone,

I am started new :( again. This has to be the millionth attempt to cut this crap out of my life. I did see him again just under 2 weeks ago. We ended up getting together :( it was horrible. We were talking and he actually admitted to me that he is having sex with another other woman. I felt sick! Ok so I have cut all ties to him. He is blocked. But I really don't think I can get him out of my system. I am crying all day and night. Prior to this I was NC for 2 almost 3 months and I was so miserable throughout. All I do is think of him :'( I hate that I do that. I really don't know why I am posting because I feel like there is no helping me. Do you want to know what is worst? I still miss him knowing what slime he is. I really need help! I really need to make sense of why I abuse myself the way I do with the thoughts I have of him. I am constantly making my self sick thinking that he is enjoying himself with these women and hate to say but I feel like yesterdays garbage :( I am just in a bad spot now. I also noticed that everything else in my life is suffering. Family, friendsn works etc. All gone to shizzzzz.

Thank you so very much for listening

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 9:52pm

Have you ever seen those rock tumblers where you dump in the ugly bumpy rocks and you turn the handle for a while and after a long time of turning you open it to find these beautiful precious gems?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 9:56pm

I'm sure it was hard, but it was the best decision you could have made. So, XAP is a slimebag cheater. All the better that you will no longer be anywhere near him! We'll get you through these hurts, but it's up to you to not create any new ones. Deal? I'm doing OK - thank you for asking! :) Yep - I was with XAP for 7.5 years. And I've been free for 5 months now! If I can do it, you sure can. I still have a lot of personal crud I'm cleaning out, but it's all good. I'm here if you need me :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 10:59pm

Live laugh love

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 8:07pm
Thank you everyone for your endless support. I am still raw but I am dealing with it. I keep saying to myself just ride this out. You can do it. But my thoughts are extremely haunting. When I hurt I hurt deep and it is a dark dark place. I am sorry for not replying as quick but I don't want to bring negativity onto this board. I want to be that person who will be as supportive as you are. Actually I do have a question.. I read in another thread about (I may have read it wrong so I apologize in advance) writing thoughts of missing xap. Is that not ok. Even if you are in the direction of healing I still am feeling those thoughts and feelings and I feel I need to express them and by doing that I am hoping to get a different perspective (which I always have gotten here :). When I read those threads I feel like I am not alone and I am not going crazy. I do get how some would think it sets them back but I feel its important to say what you need to say and get the support needed. If its not ok to post those thoughts or feelings please advise. I'm confused. Thanks a bunch!

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