Counseling Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Counseling Today
3
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:43pm
So, I have my first counseling session today. I am still not sure if I am going to tell her the whole truth or just what my h knows about my a. My plan (although I don't stick to those well) is to tell her what I told my h about the a and then tell her there is more to the story but that I don't think I am going to share it with her or my h. Part of me wants to go in there and ask her how I figure out what love is and how to decide who I should be with or ask for help in breaking the a for good once and for all (we have had limited contact in the past 2 weeks). But then the other part of me says that I am going for mc and that I should work through the other issues myself. Even though I know about counseling I have never been as a client and not sure what to expect especially on the first visit. I am suprisingly nervous. Any one else been and want to share their first experience?
Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:58pm
Well, we went for MC twice and basically I sat there while my exH talked about the problems of the marriage. At that time he went on and on about why the marriage should be saved. he spoke mainly to the therapist and not to me. I think ideally, the two people should talk to each other. The thing is that you are genuinely confused about whether or not you want to be in your marriage. MC only works if both people want to save the marriage. To talk abotu love and all that jazz, you definitely need a personal therapist. I expect you will feel frustated tonight because you are not beign 100% honest. Of course, I understand why you aren't but thats the catch 22. You could try and tell your H about your uncertainly without revealing anything about your current feelings for MM, that may open up the honesty a bit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 4:02pm

I've never for an instant regretted being 100% honest in MC with both the T and with DH. Lying and covering up just wasn't working that well for me just as it doesn't seem to be working all that great for you either.

What's the worst possible scenario for *you*? Think about this because all our worst case scenarios will differ.

For me personally, my worst possible ending wasn't winding up single, it was in continuing the lies & locking myself into whatever persona I'd erroneously believed my DH wanted.

Now what's the best case scenario you can imagine for *you*? Again, this will vary a great deal so give it some real consideration.

For me, best case scenario was a shot at a wonderful relationship based on real, warts & all honesty where you're free to be who you are regardless of whether that's in silly/frivolous mode, or serious/studious mode, playful/sensuous mode or any combination of these and/or any other possible modes. A relationship where we both felt safe & comfortable in experimenting with personal growth as well as growth within the relationship.

What exactly do you & your DH stand to *gain* if you maintain your lies & half-truths? What exactly do you & your DH have to *lose* by your maintaining the lies & half-truths?

For me personally, if I'd stuck to maintaining my lies & half-truths, I'd have cheated myself of the best case scenario I'm now living.

My suggestion is to be totally honest with your MC T tonight in your solo session and discuss with him/her the best way forward.

~LeFeen~

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 6:08pm
The first FEW meetings are a get to know you meetings...relax and be honest what ever yout tell the T is confidential.