Counselor's advice to me-and all of you
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Counselor's advice to me-and all of you
| Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:21pm |
Well, I changed my user name and hope that this helps in my quest for happiness (get it--ivhappiness?)in life. I am the one that was fearful of my XMM telling his wife and us all getting into hot water with work and in life. This seems to be passing over and he is not telling his wife. I started seeing a counselor yesterday for the first time to try to get over this, figure out why it happened in the first place, and avoid it in the future. The last thing I want is for this to happen again, but it's like trying to stop smoking or something. I have these immense cravings even though I know that there is no good in trying to remain in a bad relationship with a MM. If I ever had any thoughts that he wants his marriage to end, those are gone. He had his opportunity and passed it up. Anyway, just want everyone to know that my counselor yesterday was very supportive of my need for this to be finally over and said something to me that you all might find interesting. She said that I need to focus on myself. I know it sounds elementary. However, for so much of the time, my focus has been on him...what is he doing? Will he call? Why doesn't he care? What did I do wrong? Etc... I have totally neglected MY needs for 2 years. I (and you all) need to focus on myself (yourselves) now--get a hobby, take a class, go out, meet people, and most of all work on my relationship at home and fix what is wrong there. The reason I turned to him is b/c I am lacking in other areas that would fulfill some of my needs for him. I am going to peruse the newspaper and sign up for some classes, start re-dating the man I live with, work on my own mental health issues and move on. Just hoping you all might do the same...it just might work to get everyone on the right track and out of the cycle.

I wish I had your counseler.
I am glad that you feel better and have found a personal supporter.
I dont know how to stop thinking about xMM....I try but I still care about why he has not called in 6 days, did he stop caring?.....bla bla
I try to do things for myself - and I spend time with friends, but I am still miserable. Maybe one day I will wake up and the emotions I feel for him will have diminished, and I wont care anymore wether he is having a horrible time or wether he has found someone new. right up till Friday I he told me how bad it was for him and even though he wont allow himself to be with me - he still longs for the comfort we found in eachother and holding eachother........just words I have to think now. You dont say that and tell me how bad things are with his crazy W and how horrible life is and basically missing me - and then not call.......
All I have to do to feel better right now is know that I am in therapy - I have sought help in taking control over my life. My H and I are filing after the Holidays....mid January. We are working on our friendship - but xMM W has been screaming she has proof - this could wreak my mutual D..........
Today - and each day I will say I dont care.
I will try to be a good person in everything I do.