Couple of observations

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Registered: 12-21-2003
Couple of observations
1
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 3:59pm
Today i went swimming on the way home from work, the pool was quite quiet and it was very relaxing and of course my thoughts turned to you know who, as they do when you have nothing to stop you from thinking about them. Anyway I wondered to myself if all three of us had been here,xmm, his wife and I, or for some strange reason at sea and his wife and I were drowning and he could only save one of us who would he save, even at the height of the affair when I truely beleive he was so torn between us, who did I beleive he would save. The answer, his wife of course because how ever much he loved me they have a bond that goes deeper than that, they have 10 years of married life together and although it has been bad for the past few years they must of had some really good times too, she is the mother of his children, their lives are intertwined. He would of saved her and knowing that doesn't make me feel upset or jealous if I thought he would of chosen me I would of thought him less of a man. I also realised I want to be with a man I know would choose to save me first. Gosh I only went for the exercise!

After swimming I called into see my mum (let's see if I can explain this)my neice who is 9 just nine months younger than me, was there with her grandson. Her son has three children with his girlfriend who he has recently left and gone off with a younger girl. My neices son had taken the older boy out for tea and arrived at my mothers house to drop him off, the smaller boy on seeing his dad ran to the door shouting, daddy,daddy and was really excited, they don't see much of him. Their dad works shifts and was on his way to work and told the little one that, the little lad who is only 4 was beside himself when he left, crying I want my daddy, it was heartbreaking to watch. We tried all we could to take his mind off of it but he kept sobbing. It brought home to me how selfish it would have been to expect my xmm to leave his two boys who are 10 & 7. My xmm walked out once and came to me but I made him go home the next day to talk things through and he decided he had to go home as his boys were crying and asking 'when are you coming home daddy', I know we carried on the affair after, our feelings were to strong but this final time when it all came to a head again and he was going to leave his wife got the boys out of bed and told them he was leaving and they got so upset he said he couldn't do it. Seeing that little lad tonight made me realise I had no right to ask him to leave those children it is true what he said, they need him and I am glad I told him I understood and I think more of him as a man that he cared enough to stay and be with them, it hurts to loose him but my life won't be scared by not having him, his sons will. My husband walked away from our three children as if they didn't exsist so I know what I'm talking about.

Just thought I'd share, feeling bit thoughtful today, get strange days like this, do you think it's my age!


Edited 2/4/2004 4:05:57 PM ET by natty536

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 6:23pm
This is my first post...have been reading for several days - just ended my A with a co-worker last week. I loved your post - Thanks !

It reminds me of something I think of often...the movie Prince of Tides with Nick Nolte and Barbara Streisand. He chooses his wife over Streisand's character and she is devastated. He reassures her that he doesn't love his wife "more" just "longer"...and all that that implies.

Suprisingly, one of the qualities that attracted me most to my MM was the fact that he is a great father and a committed husband. It was also what led me to finally end it.

Thanks : )