Is this crazy? --advice
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| Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:34pm |
I have this problem with always wanting to know the unknown (in life and love). I am a scientist so it is my job, but I never thought it would bleed so much to my personal life. I am single and have been in a "relationship" with an MM for about 1.5 years. We live in different countries so I use the relationship term loosely. Lately I have wavered with the decision of whether to cut it out with him because it is causing me so much pain thinking of him there.
He has made it clear from the time we became involved, as I have always understood, that I am not his wife, and he never wants it that way. He says, we are supposed to only be an additive joy to each others life, and if we can't do this our communication is useless. He never gave me any false hope so I can at the very least respect him for that. On some level, and for some time this idea worked for me. Since our last visit in December, I have been up and down, up and down ... emotionally.
As it happens of course, I am single. It isn't enough for me right now to be such a small piece of his life when I care so much about him. It sound wonderful in theory to only get the joy from someone, but for the most part I have pain. The pain and the unknowing about his real life tortures me. All I know is the curiosity might subside for a short period of time and then it grows, as an obsession. He never discusses it with me (just in allusion), and i have thought about asking him. I am not sure if he would discuss it with me or if it is even a good idea.
Why do I feel the need to know all of this? Why can't I just let go? If I "see" his daily life will it be better or worse?

Lv,
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Read this statement and pretend your sister or best friend wrote it. You are a single woman involved in a relationship with a man with whom you have no future with. Whether you realize it or not, the emotional involvement you have with this man is preventing you from allowing any available man or meaningful relationship into your life.
I know exactly what he means when he says you are "supposed to only be an additive joy to each other, and if you can't, communication is useless."
My XOM had the balls to tell me that I was just the "cherry on top," the "whip cream" in his life. You are nothing more than an over seas F**k buddy to this man. If you break it off, he will punish you by not giving you the honor and privilege of communicating with him. He is holding you hostage. Are you a victim or a survivor? Are you honestly going to allow another human being to USE you like that?
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He does not deserve your respect. So what if he never lead you on, he didn't want you to become a pain in the ass. He has told you nothing about his personal life? What is he hiding? He lives in a different country for gods sakes, he could be on parol for rape or child abuse for all you know. If he is married and has kids, do you think his wife and kids would respect him they knew about his secret activities?
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Definition of joy according to the dictionary: The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.
Hmmmm, something to think about huh? Would you say this relationship is bringing you well-being, success or good fortune? What is your desire? A good roll in the hay (along with the emotional turmoil) every 6 to 12 months by a man who you have no future with and is whom you REALLY know nothing about?
Is the facade of *joy* this man supposedly offers you worth the *mostly pain* he gives you?
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I'm not going to answer that question, instead I'm going to ask YOU a question. How would you answer if this were you sister or your best friend?
CGU